A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm a pretty woman in my early 40s. I look very young, not my opinion, but others say it. I have a great job, friends, my only child is away in college. I decided not to have a boyfriend after my divorce few years ago, as I couldnt fit one into my busy life. I tried, but it was more of a nuisance then pleasure. Plus I had to deal with a new person, find time for him, and get used all over again to his personality traits which was too much for me, or may be I just didn't meet the right guy. Anyway, I desided to resort to easy sudden encounters and found it quite amusing, really. Some guys were much younger, some older. I liked how I got to choose and pick. Most of them were really good looking, good in bed and that's all I needed. I am not saying that every time i went out , it happened, but quite often.Especially when I traveled. May be I felt more adventureous, i don't know.It all went very well until an October, a year and a half ago. I don't know what happened, but since then it stopped. Nothing changed, I'm the same weight, same woman. I just don't understand it. Situations that lead to sex just stopped completely. I still get to talk to guys, but not the ones I like. Even when I travel, it doesn't happen. Why I'm writing this, is because I just came from a short trip to Las Vegas. Yes, a sin city. And nothing happened even there. Drunk fat men were hitting on me, that was about it. I don't understand what changed. Is it me that changed inside, or I m getting older?There is this one guy that I like, I meet him here and there at friend's parties. He obviously likes me, and I catch his eyes on me often through the night, but he doesn't say anything nor acts on anything. He only has very friendly conversations with me, and likes to be by my side for long periods of times, but that's about it.During New Years eve party, he basically talked to me and only me for half a night, and when I was going to leave, walked me to a car, and then we just stand there for another half an hour, talking. But again, that was it. I see him about once every month, he never suggests a date, or anything at all, just again friendly conversation.And this what I find with other guys also. When I go out, the ones I like only have friendly conversations with me. I don't see it in their eyes anymore what I saw in old times, or may be it just seems to me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): Just a random lull, nothing more. Social group behavior is random, and happens in fits and starts. It will start up again. Meanwhile, don't get desperate, or it will telegraph to men who will sense you're seeking something.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): Its just a lull that's all. Maybe with the economy more guys are not in the mood due to financial stress
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): Maybe you got a reputation for sleeping around and some guys wouldn't like that in a woman.Maybe this guy who talks to you is just being friendly, or maybe he likes to take things slowly. Just see how it goes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): Oldbag, I m not sure that I want a real relationship and all that comes with it. IF, only IF I meet someone who is just what I need, and it includes many aspects of life, like money situation (I really don't want to solve anyone's financial problems, or someone who can't afford what I can afford, like trips, outings and so on)., physical condition (I need someone healthy, in shape, someone who takes care of himself), smart, same background as me, same interests, then sure. But the list is too long:). I don't mind living by myself, I work long hours, I really like my job, I have plenty of friends and family. Cerberus, you said what I wanted to hear. I thought the same thing, may be its just some vibes that they feel from me that stops them to go further. I act the same way, so I think. I m not that big on flirting, never was.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 Women are intimidating to men..especially experienced and good looking ones, We men tend to shy away from successfull beautiful women knowing we are not worthy of their time or attention. I suspect the men around you are simply like me and fear being hurt by pretty women, ergo they withdraw. Weak, I know..but a lot of truth in the message.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 Hi
Everyones getting older! If it's a relationship you want then you don't need to *just* see the lust in their eyes.
You need a guy like the one you met at the New Years party.Build from that,ask him out,go somewhere like a sporting or music event maybe.See how it goes.He may just surprise you.
My guess is you give off 'been there done that' vibe now so only a drunk will miss the signals and make a pass at you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): "Situations that lead to sex just stopped completely. I still get to talk to guys, but not the ones I like."
You've just become more picky by the sounds of things OP, or maybe just been getting the same amount of attention but just not from guys willing to ask you out.
I'd say it's more to do with your own mind OP, but it does sound like you're a little more closed off than you used to be due to the amount of undesirable drunks and also the fact that maybe you're just ready to move on from casual encounters and actually date.
That kind of mindset will give you a bit of a more closed off demeanour OP. You're no longer giving out the signals so you're not seeing that lust in their eyes.
Just contact this guy you like and ask him out.
But examine what you want in regards dating now OP, I think maybe you're subconsciously ready to do more than just have casual flings. Otherwise this whole thing wouldn't really bother you as much, you still get attention from guys, just the overtly sexual attention is from drunks most of the time now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): Thank all for answering. I don't think I'm going to move to new city, I have a very good life here where I am.
Anonymous lady, that's the thing, I really don't see any changes for the past year. I'm the same everything. I work out regularly, I have no wrinkles, nothing really changed. It kind of stopped suddenly, like I grew a horn, or something.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): A close friend of the family had the same issue. She just got up one day and moved to another city and start a new life. To this day she is a lot happier and was able to meet another man and has fallen in love again. I saw the happy couple at a family reunion this past summer they were both smiling and giddy like highschool sweethearts. I understand your frustration. Just consider what I said as
FYI... Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): I always had the mindset that I would welcome age and age gracefully. I really surprised myself and I am not happy about how my body is changing. I use to always be told I looked 10 years younger. Well, not anymore.It is doubly hard if I am at a beach and see all these young women in their toned and tight bodies in bikinis. I wish I had a time machine and could go back to how I use to look like that.Once menopause enters your life, the weight shifts and goes where it wants. I am not all pleased. Even with the constant exercising I am not seeing the results.I've seriously considering a neck lift and liposuction. My first marriage was not easy and I feel it etched in my face and aged me. I need that boost for my own self-esteem.Granted and I am being realistic, I will never be in the my 20's again, but I want to at least look like a classy lady and not have wrinkles like an 80 year old, at least not yet. I know there is a point of no return but my body is hitting the sidewalk right now and I am too young in my mind for that to be happening so soon. So I feel I need a tune up.I look at Helen Mirren, Sophia Loren and aim for that level of sophistication as I grow older.If men aren't interested in me I am quite okay with that too. If you want to date, you might want to explore some dating sites.
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