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Torn between two lovers, who do I chose

Tagged as: Cheating, Faded love, Long distance, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 1 December 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, *asmine77 writes:

Do you love with the one you're with or wait for the one you love?

Man 1: I've been dating a guy for 3 years. I love him more than anyone I've ever known before. Whenever I see him, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him, even after three years together. Right now, my job forced us to change from living together to semi-LD (45 minute drive). He's always been career focused, but recent changes have forced him to spend so much time on his career that he doesn't have time to sleep most nights, let alone spend time with me. I want a lot of attention, and it drives me nuts to not be with him. Because he's so busy, our time together usually feels rushed and he's distracted.

Meanwhile, I met another man (Man 2), someone who understands me extremely well because we had very similar home lives growing up. I decided to break up with man 1 for man 2 to see how it would work out. I know that I won't marry Man 2 because he's a little too rough around the edges (I'm very sensitive and he's extremely insensitive about 30% of the time), but he is head over heels in love with me. He'll do anything for me, is always there for me, and always makes time for me when I need it. We just spend Thanksgiving together in a random city (my first vacation in years) and it was the best week of our lives.

Man 1 and I had been in an open relationship - we were both allowed to see other people. But Man 2 didn't want to share, so I broke up with Man 1 for Man 2. I told Man 1 I was going to break up with Man 2 to go back to him, but when faced with the reality of the situation, I couldn't do it. I have a lot of upheaval in virtually every other area of my life (just lost my job) and I don't want to be alone right now.

I don't want to lose Man 1. I want to raise a family with him and share the rest of my life with him. But I know he won't have any time at all for me for at least 6 months and it drives me crazy to "be with him" and never actually be with him. Should I go back to Man 1 and put up with 6 months of a crappy relationship because I know that one day he's going to be the one, or should I stay with Man 2 until that relationship runs its course and see where Man 1 is in his life at that point?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2009):

well...i am not sure if u r purchasing a TV here and asking if the one u bought at best buy is better or the the one u bought at walmart would give a better picture and quality. I would say you are not serious yourself for any relationship coz if you had been you would have waited for Man 1 as u said u know he is the right guy to raise a family. Life is full of ups and downs and what if due to Man's 1 job he has to move to a different state, would you start sleeping around with other guys? My answer would be yes, u will. U have to decide gal what do u want and with whom do u feel happy.

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