A
male
age
51-59,
*onty23
writes:*OP's own title*I have posted before about the fact that my wife is yet again cheating on me with a work colleague. I tentatively suggested today as she went out to meet a friend for lunch that she looked fabulous, and asked 'Who is the lucky man?' - knowing full well she is meeting her lover for coffee before going on to lunch with her friend... I am fed up with this (and other things), but she is in complete denial that she is up to anything. Therefore the question is - how best to catch her out? I'm not in a position yet where I feel I could file for divorce on the grounds of adultery... on her previous fling she denied that any sex took place - and she is being so discrete - I do not feel there are grounds yet for unreasonable behaviour. Do I let things run their course - if so - how far?
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male
reader, Jonty23 +, writes (26 April 2010):
Jonty23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell - today I decided to book a consultation with a divorce solicitor.
I realise that I'm just looking for validation of my choices - and given that the advice seems to be 'Time toi quit' - then it's time to stop messing about and take the initiative.
A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Maybe she carried on because you said if she cheated again and you'd end it, then she cheated again and you didn't... She thinks she has you in the palm of your hand. Sounds like taking action is the only way she's gonna take you seriously.
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A
male
reader, Jonty23 +, writes (19 April 2010):
Jonty23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEbony...
thanks for your answer...
I have not skimped on affection, attention, compliments, and gifts. An issue is the face we have 2 children and little opportunity to get time away from them. On the rare occasions we do get away - we have either had a fabulous time, or an awful one.
There are many more issues here - I could write a book on all the ups and downs we've been through. Some of her closest work colleagues think I deserve a medal for sticking with her - they don't know about the affair(s).
And as for talking to her... believe me, I've done that.
I'm very much of the view that - having told her if she messed around again - it was going to be over - she is currently talking about making plans with me for holidays, DIY, jobs etc. - all sorts of things in the future - yet - also Googling 'hotel' & 'affair'. So I'm planning to catch her out and then spring divorce proceedings on her.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (18 April 2010):
I'm not trying to point the finger, but I've only heard one side of the story so this is only a possibility and not necessarily true. But maybe the reason your wife is having these affairs is because she doesn't feel that she's getting enough affection or intimacy from you. Maybe she admitted to what happened so you knew what it was she was looking for and maybe provide it yourself. This could be completely wrong, but you haven't mentioned anything to do with how much attention you give her so I don't know what the reality is.
Sit her down and talk to her about this, and ask her to answer honestly if she seeks these affairs to get the attention that she doesn't get from you or if there is anything you can do to change it.
However if this is not the case, then I think you should end it. She's not interested in you, and you shouldn't waste your time when you could be with someone who loves you.
Come back to us and let us know how you got on =]
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A
male
reader, Jonty23 +, writes (17 April 2010):
Jonty23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to clarify - she has been swapping sex texts and intimate chats on Facebook - she arranged to see this other man the other day without telling me - and on the previous occasion / period she was seeing him - she denied it at first - but then came clean after a number of attempts to break it off. And I suggested counselling three times before she agreed to go. So, no, it's not merely paranoia.... Would that it was.
Last time, she stated at first they were just 'silly text messages'... but repeated 'I love you's...' and 'I wish I was with you's...' are a little more than that. What she doesn't know is that I have recovered some of her facebook chat logs... which throw a whole new light on the situation.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (15 April 2010):
First of all, how do you know that she is cheating? Because you need evidence to at least suspect her. What is it that she is doing that is making you suspicious and could there be any other reason for it? You said yet again, so I'm assuming she has cheated on you before. How do you know this? Did she own up to it? I would see a counsellor to help to try and improve communication and trust between you and your partner. Being a trained psychologist, they may be able to tell if she is cheating by the way she reacts.
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