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Frank B Kermit
writes:The Frank Romance Formula Part 2By Frank Kermit ND, RelationshipsContinued from last article: The Frank Romance Formula is: A. (Stimulation of the 5 senses) + B. (Addressing the emotional needs of that person) + C. (Sensual/Sexual Context) = RomanceWith (C), the issue can be very controversial because it asks the question if sex must be included for a romantic evening to be successful. Is romance with sex still romantic? Does including sex into the equation null and void the romance? After working with singles and couples for years, I want to share my findings with you. For most people, the entire point of getting romantic with someone is to explore if there is any chemistry there to be ignited. It does not mean the chemistry already exists. It means that both people are at least open to spending time together enough to find out if there is any possibility. A romantic setting is to help that process along, by creating the mood and scene where, if there happens to be any chemistry, it is given the best chance to flourish, blossom and erupt into hardcore passion. Although romance unto itself can actually be enough for some, the majority of people have expectations that it will lead to more. In fact, without the sexual component, or the exploration of the sensuality that can bridge a couple, sexless romance can be a worthless cause for many individuals. This is where we can dispel one of the myths of romance. It is important to understand that romance does not equal love. Many make the assumption that romance equals love but it does not. If anything Romance is more equal to Sex (well, only if you are lucky or very socially skilled) and Sex certainly does not equal love.If someone wants to be romantic with you, and you have no desire to even explore the possibility of something non-platonic with that person, then do not get romantic with that person even if you enjoy romance. There is nothing ethical about leading people on by being romantic with them, only to reject them when they try to kiss you. That is emotional manipulation and it is hurtful.If you happen to be a person that enjoys romance, but not having sex, it is important that you make such a boundary clear right from the beginning that you ONLY want romance, and not sex. This could potentially be useful for people with histories of sexual abuse that want the intimacy and attention, but not the physical sexual acts. It could also potentially be useful for those individuals who either have sexually transmitted infections that would like the romance but not want to put their partners at risk through sex, or for those people with religious concerns who want romance but wish to keep their virginities in tact. In theory it could work, however the reality is by putting themselves into romantic situations they are playing with temptation, and they may not be able to hold back from giving in to the stoked embers of desire. It also is not a good idea to turn on the people you like, when you are not in a position to help them get some relief from the sexual tensions that romance can arouse.
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