A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I are going through a "sensitive patch" he has been having issues with work, feeling stagnant in life, and just in general feeling down in life and I have tried my best to support him, but due to his stress he has become very stressed, moody and verbally / emotionally abusive towards me.That caused alot more tention between us, but we eventually spoke about it as we almost broke up because of miss communication, and the attitude got bad!Things are better between us, but he is still very tense with life in general and that is putting lots of pressure on us as he snaps quickly, then random mood swings, and as of late he is not as affectionate as he used to be with me when he wasn't as stressed.I have always been the more affectionate, the one that says I love you more, the one that gives more hugs and more kisses and I tell him sweet romantic, loving things that I do mean and also to pick him up and I say I love you more to him than he does to me.I am getting to a point where I am beginning to feel down because I do not get that back as much that I want.. previously he used to be a bit more affectionate, but I don't know if it's the stress that he is under, or in general perhaps I give too much affection and he is tired of it? or if he feels he doesn't need to do it as I do it already?For example, when he is in a good mood and we watching tv, he will automatically sit next to me, and put his legs up and cuddle.When in a bad mood, he sits further away and if I dont make the first move we will sit apart the whole time, then he gets snappy afterwards cause I kept still.I really want him to be more affectionate with me, because I am one that needs that affection at home, and I feel weak at my knees when he gives me a hug when I least expect it (which has become rare) I am on a cloud.. other than that I "look" for hugs.Should I cool down on being too affectionate to see if he comes around? but then I worry thinking that if I do and he senses it that he might think I am disinterested in him!Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): Girl, stay as good as u are, don't change no matter what. Don't stop being affectionate with ur bf as he needs it and needs u right now but sometimes u just have 2 give him his space and let him cool off. on the other hand i feel that u have let him walts all over u, u just have 2 teach ur man how 2 treat u depression or no depression. When he starts acting up just stop him there and tell him that u will support him no matter what in his time of need but will not stand his mood swings and abuse. if u don't say anything he will drag u 2 his depression and may find urself acting ways u have never dreamed acting and treating people negetively because that's what u have learned.
All the best. Jesus is the truth, the life and the way. Seek Him while He may be found i promise u, u will never be disappointed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): Ooosps, I meant to say, "it's NOT fair for you to have to put up with [his behaviour]."!
Hope I didn't cause offence...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010): Have you told him how you feel? Does he know how sad his behaviour is making you? I know it sounds trite, but communication is the key to a successful relationship.
Your boyfriend's behaviour sounds excessive, even for someone stressed and fed up, and it’s fair for you to have to put up with it.
From his perspective, he might be feeling depressed/down and that EVERYONE is against him, and that might be causing him to include you in that list. So I would not recommend acting indifferently, as that will only cement his insecurities/beliefs.
If you want to work things out with him, you need to get him to understand that he will drive you away if he doesn’t change. But don’t act indifferently, or give him an ultimatum - which, in his current state, might serve only to make him push you further away.
Sit him down, tell him that you love/care for him, but that he’s making you sad. Tell him the things that you’ve put in your post about his temperamental affection & indifference.
If he’s unwilling to sit back and reflect on his behaviour, or stop projecting his insecurities onto you (and the relationship), you may have to take more drastic action... But hopefully it won’t come to that!
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