A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay I need help from all the other Christians!! I have a problem and it is really worrying me. I am a Christian and I really want to wait until I am married to have sex, but, I am worried that I will be tempted. And I want to do the right thing by my Religion and do the right thing that God is telling me to do. But, I dunno...should I have sex before I am married? Please help! x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): I think you should try to write "God" out of the equation and then see what you still think.
First off, disregard lust. Your judgement is clouded during those times. Think in terms of what you do & don't think would be a good way to feel in your more mature & quiet moments.
If you wanna save yourself because YOU feel that it's the right thing for you to do, then save yourself.
But if your desire to save yourself is rooted in feeling "dirty" and "sinful" if you don't, then maybe that's a different situation.
The question is whether you'd still wanna be a virgin until marriage if it was not something that the religion was mandating. Some virgins-till-married would still want to remain that way even if it was not a part of the religion's dogma. Others are abstaining from sex simply out of obedience.
It's your choice. As a former believer in god who doesn't believe anything anymore, I myself wouldn't want to have remained a virgin just out of obedience to an imaginary guy in a cloud with a big white beard. However, I would still understand and respect someone's desire to abstain from sex if it came from their own internal feelings on the sanctity of the act.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (6 August 2007):
 Hi there sweetness,
I agree with Dr. Pete, I do think you should go onto a Christian website. I'm a Christian, but I am also VERY VERY VERY liberal in my beliefs. However, I believe that you should be true to whatever beliefs YOU have because you'll feel better about YOURSELF in the morning.
Sex is a very individual thing. As you can see from all the people who have replied to your query, everyone has different views on what's right and how to do it and when to do it. None of it matters. What matters is that you said in your question that you want to save yourself for marriage.
Sweetness, you need to do what is right for YOU. If you want to save yourself for your husband, then I think you should stick by your guns. I think you'll feel so much better about yourself if you do wait. There's nothing wrong with a girl who has high morals and wants to save herself. No one can judge you for that, in fact it's sort of refreshing!
Sex is something to be taken seriously. You can contract STD's, get pregnant... so when you do have sex, go to Planned Parenthood or your doctor's first and get yourself on some sort of birth control. Talk about sex, educate yourself!
I don't want you thinking that God will hate you if you do have sex before your married. Now, I'm not going to get too religious here, because I don't want to start any drama - but, girl, God will love you no matter what you do with your life. If you have sex before your married, I hope that it's special and that you're smart about it. You sound like a smart girl... and I hope that intelligence stays with you when you're making important decisions about sex.
Maybe you should get a vibrator. Now, I don't care what anyone says, I think that masturbation is a TOTALLY healthy and beautiful way to help with those sexual urges. It's the safest sex you can have! No STD's, no hurt feelings, no babies.
Anyhow, DO WHAT'S RIGHT FOR YOU. Whatever is in your heart is the right decision. Your virginity is yours, all yours and you can choose when and how to lose it. Don't let anyone else make the decision for you!! Before or after marriage, make sure it's safe and special!
Good luck, sweetness.
xxIndia
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007):
You will probably get much more supportive replies if you post your question on a Christian forum as often non-Christian's don't really appreciate the importance of not having sex before marriage. Also you are more likely to get replies from people who have been through or are going through what you are. There are quite a lot of christian teen websites, so take a look on Google I'm sure you'll find what you are looking for.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (6 August 2007):
 Salad Barbarian What a load of old BOLLOCKS you are talking. You are putting the fear of god in the poor girl by telling her if she does give into temptation,saying she won't lead a good fulfilling life. I was brought up in a christian house and I had sex before marriage.
Listen darling if you do meet a nice boy, only you know whether its right or not to sleep with him, its YOUR BODY no one elses, you make the decision, not other people. But please my love never feel guilty, sex is a beautiful thing to share between two people whether you are married or not.
I say individual people has individual needs.
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A
male
reader, SumYungGuy +, writes (6 August 2007):
 I'm not going to attack the comments made here - because they're terribly misguided. And I'm not going to start quoting the bible because then I'd be here all morning typing and I need to go to work :)I will say this. You said you want to do the right thing by your religion. Let me tell you this, people can have 'religion' but no relationship with God. That is what God wants for us, to form a relationship with God - so that we depend on God and God only. I will tell you what I told someone yesterday - be very careful of the advice you get on this site regarding God. Some people claim to have a 'knowledge' of God but don't KNOW God. You need to know God for yourself (through your relationship with God). The God you serve may not necessarily be the God that I or someone else giving you advice serves - and that could cause lots of confusion when giving/receiving advice.Seek the counsel of a minister or pastor. Express your feelings and desires. Trust me, God WANTS you to have sex! Yes God does. God WANTS you to DESIRE sex - and have lots of it! Yes GOD does. But does God want you engage in the act that God ordained to be between 'one man and one woman' and not be in the sanctity of marriage - not God does not. If you don't want to talk to a minister or whomever - I'll be glad to discuss this further with you. I can share some passages of the Bible and hopefully clear up some confusion you may be having regarding this subject. Just send me a private message.Hope this helps.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007): I was brought up with strong christian parents my mother in particular believed that you should only have sex with the person you are marrying - she waited to have sex until she married my Dad. My parents are still married after 40 years. However, both my sister and I have found it very difficult to commit emotionally to one man and have both cheated on long term partners - this has come about trying to initially live up to my parents (mothers) 'ideal' and standards and getting involved with the wrong man initially. Making love is an expression of love. Love is a wonderful thing and should not be laced with guilt. I think there is a great deal of guilt in religion I am sorry if this offends you it is not intentional just my feelings. My point is you can be faithful to your god and your partner but be fully committed before or after marriage. Commitment is the key here and it is the foundation for personal growth.
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male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (6 August 2007):
Don't ask Christians if it's okay to have sex before marriage. They are all lead by a bunch of God's Gurus and all these Gurus claim to speak for God, Himself. To me your commitment to each other is the samething as a betrothal in the eyes of God. And that give you the right to to know each other. Even if you were brother and sister that betrothal would be valid in the eyes of God. Why do I know this, Because God says, "I change not". Who did Adam and Eve's Children marry? of course each other. Now these Gurus, of God, don't make much bones about that.Nor do they tell you that if you,a man, are able to suppot another woman that you can take her for Your wife too. so enjoy each other in commited love. And the God that I know will bless you both.
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male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (6 August 2007):
 Yes, you should.
If you find someone you fall in love with and have the desire to have sex, so long as you do it safely, I see no reason to deny yourself one of life's greatest pleasures!
What if you get married and you're not sexually compatible with your partner? Welcome to a lifetime of frustration and cheating!
What if there is no god?
What if some of the people who preach celibacy are actually hypocrites who visit whores or abuse children? What if the entire no sex before marriage idea is incredibly misguided? Unless you try it how will you know?
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female
reader, myp +, writes (6 August 2007):
 its up to you, i personally think it has more to do with love then it does with marriage because in my mind love is basically an emotional marriage. I understand ur predicament though, religion or "temptation" so to speak.I would be worried about waiting till your married to have sex, because you wont kno if your sexually compatible or not, and regardless of religion, as human beings sex is an important part of a serious relationship. Sex in itself is sacred so in truth i think u should listen to your heart [that sounds corny but its really the only way to explain it]if it feels right, then do what makes you happy.Whats more holy then two ppl coming together to become one and coming to the ultimate climax of joy and love?in the end, its all about what feels right in your heart and mind, if you feel like its right then go from there if not then wait till it does.best of luckmessage me of you want to talk :]-Myesha
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007): No. Temptations will always be there even after your married. The best thing to do is learn to endure/ignore them otherwise you may never be able to get past them and lead a good life. When you're feeling pressure to give in remember that God will never make you go through more than you can handle. Stay strong and pray.
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