A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend text his ex twice saying "I dreamt about you last night"Should this concern me...or is this just friendly?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): And, q I know that you are quite a plain-speaking man and of course you have the advantage of experience, so I would have liked it better had you told the poster what she should do, that would have been more helpful, don't you think?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2009): Hi
I had no idea that this was turned in to a healthy discussion! I wish to be included too... so, here are my two paise (this is the cent equivalent of my country). Hey, q1605 thank you for liking me, I like you too and thank you quiet-echo! You all are great!
Now, yes I agree with q that it is better if women set some boundaries at the onset of the issue or the relationship. I am myself a very assertive woman, and although I give my man some space, I do have some boundaries that he better never cross!
However, I would like to add that it is wrong to assume and accuse any one over anything, without establishing facts first! Second, unlike you, her man didn't tell her (I assume) that he had text his ex. SO, how can you set out boundaries before one asks for freedom, so to speak.
Also, anyone will tell you that it is not okay to tell your ex that you had dreamed about her last night, while you are in the relationship! It is considered to be a violation of the status and respect and trust of a relationship.
Also, you are a mature man and you can be counted to behave in the right and respected manner, but if a man is already having second thoughts, of is remembering his ex... well, one doesn't want to start a full blown fight, only to come back and be accused of being overly dramatic, or quite unreasonable. I can think of a dozen things that could make her fear quite unnecessary. But then she could be right to get concerned too.
Tell me, would you accuse or persecute or give anyone the full benefit of the doubt without establishing the whole truth first? I think not, and so, all I advised her was to first get the truth out of him. And then think of what to do.
Now, that I have explained myself, please tell me if I was wrong...
The lengthy explanation would have been quite unnecessary, but I didn't want the poster to get confused over the whole debate... after all, we all have a responsibility to her here.
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A
male
reader, 5125  +, writes (14 October 2009):
 i before have been the one texting my ex and yes..sorry to tell you this you should be concernd. he is still thinking about her at times. which could lead to something more even if shes not intersted in him any more.like a lunch date or just talking on the phone .remember they had a connection before to. so that makes everything harder for you to figure out.but it could also mean his confused about you and him he could just be finding out if ur the right girl for him..but still he shouldnt be texting her if he loves you because he could end up losing you..hope everything goes ok for you..
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A
female
reader, ij +, writes (14 October 2009):
 Yes you should be concerned, he is with you now why his he texting his ex? I was in a situation like that and that to me shows that he still have feelings for her because if he did not he would not even be dreaming about her period!!! instead he would be dreaming about you and maybe the life that you guys will be having in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2009): Hi
Yes, it should concern you, but voicing your concern at this point will make you out like a paranoid person... so, I think you should ask him if he is content with you and has any intentions of being 'elsewhere'? But, make sure you do it when he is not suspecting this sort of questioning, that way the answers will be honest. Also, pay close attention to his body language. The red-alert should sound if he is fidgety while replying, or purses his lips or stalls replying or avoids eye-contact or has a flimsy excuse or tries to change the topic.
Best of Luck
Love :)
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