A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with an ex over 3 months ago now, but I keep having vivid nightmares about it. I wake up regularly in a cold sweat and can't get back to sleep.I am now actually glad that turd of a relationship is over and I just want to move on and forget about it! So why are these stupid nightmares showing up now? The dreams are always the same thing, I have nice day with the ex, then he suprises me by saying I'm dumped and starts bitching at me about how I'm a crap person and it's all my fault this is happening,I did this wrong and that wrong etc. I feel so awful to the point were I feel almost criminal and it usually ends with me being persued by some horrible thing that is trying to catch me and give me my come-upance for being an evil bitch! wtf! I used to have awsome fantasy sex dreams or dreams where I am prancing around in some magical bullshit, but now this depressing scene keeps turning up and ruining my mojo!(Background info if you want to know a bit more...) I was only with this ex for a few months. But I had previously been with them when I was younger for two years, my longest one. I think after a string of crappy relationships I put the 'return of X' on a pedestal and thought it would be all happy endings and shit, but they werent the same person and mostly treated me like crap. At the same time we broke up I was trying to go for a job I really wanted and I worked hard at it and jumped through a lot of hoops, ultimately I didn't get picked for it and then I lost my main job, my ex supported me by dumping me immediately after! I persuaded him to give me another chance (desperate I know but I had just had my job dream crushed and had all the sanity of micheal jackson) But later I realised he was clearly not wanting to be with me. I confronted him about why he had been acting weird (not wanting to talk to me, or have sex or anything!) I never got a proper answer other than 'I love you but cant be in a relationship' whatever that means. The equivelant of 'I love Eastenders but I'm terrified of the TV screen'. Basically I think he had cheated on me and was too guilty to say so. Well, anyway now I'm a jobless bum who spends my entire day trying to scrape up some cash where ever I can and wandering through the countryside in the middle of nowhere that I live in. I very rarely talk to anyone who is not my dog or horse. I am like hermit cat lady who fears people and hisses in the daylight. I just want to forget the past, find a new job and enjoy the antisocial bubble I have created for myself, so why the dreams reminding me of it all the time and how can I get rid of them? Sorry this is loooong I tend to ramble...even the dog wont talk to me anymore ;P
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Dreams are just your subconscious mind's way of processing things that ate going on. I think that once you are past this difficult stage in your life and in a better place the bad dreams will go away too
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (21 January 2013):
 I think the problem is that you have nothing else in your life to replace him right now or any good distractions. I know you say you enjoy your antisocial bubble, but it sounds lonely not having anyone to talk to you and help you move forward. I know you're having a rough time with money, but try to reconnect with friends or family or get emotionally invested in a hobby.
My other suggestion is to look into lucid dreaming. These are dreams where you have power/influence within the dream to change the outcome. There are "triggers" that you're supposed to notice, for example, if you look at your hands
it's supposed to signal to you that you are in a dream. At that point you can change the direction of the dream and make it how you want. Here's a website that might help : http://www.lucidity.com/NL52.LightandMirror.html. One other thing: consider your pre-dream rituals. Do you think about him before you go to bed? Do you give your mind time to empty? Or do you just try to jump straight to bed and go into these dreams? Try changing whatever habits you have. Meditate to relax your mind of the stresses of joblessness or money, try to just let your mind be a blank canvas before going to bed. Alternatively, I have found that if I try to want to dream about someone I almost always DO NOT. So try to switch up your routine, experiment. I have gotten stuck in these ruts in the past too, they can be constant, but i think the more the person is on your mind (the more impact these dreams have) the more the dreams come back. Hope some of this advice helps.
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