A
female
age
,
*eaurosie
writes:My husband and I have been married for nearly 25 years. I have found over the years that he tends to want to live 'in his own world' and becomes very unplugged within our relationship. I have found that the way to get him 'plugged back in' is extremely difficult, it usually occurs when I have become so upset and disillusioned that I not only threaten to leave but actually have made the arrangements for another accommodation and I am walking out of the door! Previous to this I would have tried all the other alternatives, such as reasoning verbally but I find that he just stonewalls me. When I am actually leaving, he gets distressed, tells me he loves me and can't live without me!!!.. very confusing!Over the past two weeks I have been house/dog sitting for friends who are on holiday (this is just over night). I usually arrive back home around 7 am. however one morning I overslept and did not arrive home until 8am. I found that my husband had already left for work. What I find upsetting is that he did not try to contact me at all to see if I was ok... taking into account I am sleeping alone in a large detached fairly isolated area on my own over night. I'm just really not sure how much he really cares about me, what do you think? Also another small thing that I found upsetting was a joke e mail that he mailed to all his friends including a good female friend of ours and did not send it to me (strange that the joke was about how men are incompetent compared to women). I am feeling that its 'out of sight out of mind syndrome'. I told him about this and he looked uncomfortable and said he thought he had sent it to me too!.. Please can you give me some advice it would be much appreciated, thank you.
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female
reader, Beaurosie +, writes (9 April 2009):
Beaurosie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you both for your response to my question. Yes I agree that it is easy to get out of communication when you have been married for some time. I think that 'love addict' theory though really has hit 'the nail on the head' so to speak. I am actually feeling a lot better in myself after reading this theory because it has made me realize that I am not the only one to feel this way. I still struggle with my childhood memories when at the age of only 5 years my parents and siblings joked about taking me back to the hospital and putting me in the window there (like a shop) so that some other parents could adopt me. There have been a lot of other painful memories but because of my upbringing I ended up being abused by peodofiles though my your life (I used to wonder what the hell was wrong with me... why me??) I realize now that because of my sad life I was very needy for love and that is how a peodofile chooses his victim. My husband also had a very strange, strict upbringing, his mother never properly reprimanded him for naughty behaviour but used to say "when your father gets home he will punish you", when his father got home he would get a stick that was specially for this out of the closet and smack him with it however many times needed for each wrongdoing. We are both damaged people and don't know how to make things right.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): I am in a very similar situation. You seem to be in a Love addicted relationship. Your description is on target. I would suggest you read some books on this and see if this describes you and your relationship. See the links below
Good luck.. I know how difficult it can be
http://www.geocities.com/metaed/study/avoidantaddict.html
http://loveaddicts.org/40questions.html
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