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My husband admitted to having sex with a prostitute twice earlier this year. Where do we go from here?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 November 2020) 3 Answers - (Newest, 1 January 2021)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Can any of you tell me how your husband could claim to love you when he had sex with the same prostitute twice while away on a business trip?

He has always been there for me throughout our 10 year marriage. My best friend, my lover, my protector, the father of our children. We have always had a fantastic sex life. I've always been tuned into all his needs and vice versa.

How could a man who puts so much effort into a marriage and treat his wife/family so well then turn around and do something so heinous and cruel? Risking his entire future on some strange piece of meat? One he actually PAID for?

My husband was acting distant when he returned. And I could tell he had something weighing heavily on his mind. He finally admitted it to me this week. The trip happened last January.

I feel he betrayed me, even though it was with a sex worker. In fact, I feel that is even worse. And I'm trying to come to grips with all of this. Why would he do this to me? How low can you go? Why would and how could a man go so far as to seek out and obtain anonymous sex when he has a wife waiting at home?

View related questions: best friend, prostitute, sex life

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A male reader, NoodlyCatastrophe Canada +, writes (1 January 2021):

NoodlyCatastrophe agony auntYou're not going to like my answer.

LOVE =/= LIBIDO and vice versa.

Love is a very broad umbrella term. It's a gigantic whirlwind of emotional and reactionary concepts that give us a strong emotional bond with another person or thing.

Libido is very specifically sexual, but sex isn't just about intercourse, or oral sex, or kissing. Sex goes into the very precise realm of lust and need.

Love is like a cruise ship of many different nationalities, that sail around the globe to expose oneself to the different cultures of our psyche and desires. Libido is a missile that expends a lot of fuel, going one way, very fast and exploding into a giant ball of furious discharge.

So, how can a husband claim to love and adore you, but have an orgasmic night with a sex worker? Easy. He loves you and he has a need to ejaculate his stresses.

I know, I know. I'm not being empathetic. If you need a friend, right now, call one of your best friends and vent. Until then, you're here, asking WHY!!! WHYYYYY!!! I answered. ?

To answer your last question of why he would seek out another woman, when you're willing and waiting at home. Well, I'm going to give you another answer that will be downvoted to hell because it's the truth.

Why would anyone stick with eating strawberry cream cake for the rest of their life, when there is an entire buffet out in the world with different flavours? Sure, you can turn yourself into a strawberry cream muffin, strawberry cream cupcake, strawberry cream bread, strawberry cream pudding, but you're still made primarily of strawberry cream! Sometimes, people want to eat something different.

Ever considered having a threesome? Strawberry cream peach salad? Strawberry cream coffee cake? Strawberry cream cheesecake? No? Then how about opening up your marriage? No? You feel marriage is between one person and another? Okay, how about... Just get a divorce?

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A female reader, Tawii United States +, writes (31 December 2020):

Tawii agony auntI as well not super sure, what to tell you etc

The question Can only be answered by you and your husband, you should also be prepared for his answer .

One thing which is a fact that he choose to do this , he made a mistake

He might have been happy with you and it might not even have anything to do with you, but only with himself he could have wanted some freedom who knows .

trying to figure out things won’t change the pain and hurt

Cause justifying his mistake by telling why won’t heal you believe me on this

This pain will hurt for months ,but just keep in your mind you did nothing wrong don’t try to blame anyone or yourself ,he made the mistake you didn’t. just because of this mistake I won’t agree a divorce or something

But if you guys try again it will take a lot of time, because rebuilding trust back is hard and not easy,

Maybe look for therapy together etc

And at the very end, you decide what you want, if you want to give him a second chance or not, hopefully you won’t get shamed for it ,by ppl in your circle if you decide to stay . Cause this day s ppl are quick to judge you

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2020):

In not sure you want an answer and perhaps

even more so after this amount of time has passed but I want you to feel heard and as such I have a reply.

You are/were clearly very distressed by finding out that your husband sought the services of a sex worker.

I can understand your distress.

It's highly unlikely that you, in your role of wife, would ever pick up the phone and order a sex worker in the way that you would order a pizza.

I think this should be put to your husband, that if you reversed this scenario you could feel so inclined as to order someone to pleasure you for a price.

I'm sure he would be shocked at the concept.

But alpha males particularly have little regard for how someone else would feel with their choices.

They have been approved of for all the choices they have made and they always feel entitled to a reward.

In this case your husbands little reward was a sex act with a sex worker.

I'm assuming he sought the services of some one hopefully over the age of 21yrs who was a female, but unless you ask him you will never know.

You have options to divorce this man on the grounds of infidelity and perhaps this is a course of action you should consider, simply protect yourself.

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