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My girlfriend seems so cold towards me at times...

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 27 December 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi there, I'm new to the site but I just wanted to fire out this question and I hope Ii can get some responses back soon.

I'm currently in a relationship, and am very much in love with the girl i am with, but there are times when i don't know how she feels about me. She seems, and i hate to use this word, but unfortunately i don't have any other choice, cold towards me from time to time, and can be inconsiderate and insensitive when it comes to things to do with me. Her previous relationship ended badly and i feel that has had and will continue to have, a huge effect on how she views me and how she feels about me.

There are just some times when i feel like i can't say anything to her about the things that bother me too, as she immediately gets very snappy and heated about the topic, and i end up feeling like the bad guy for having felt a problem with it in the first place, and its always me has had to change something in some way or another.

Can anyone please offer me some advice.

Thank you...

Anon

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008):

My Girl Friend has done the same thing with me lately. We have been only dating for a few months but still nonetheless thought it was important to confront her. As a result, she thought i was over analyzing and thinking about the situation and said that my confronting her was only pushing her away. Depending on how important this person is to you, you must make your decision. For me, i am just going to give her space considering she is going through a rough patch and let her decide if i am the guy she wants to be with. It's a tough pill to swallow but unfortunately if you want her, you have to play the game.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

To update on this question, i am completely and wholeheartedly open and honest with her, and it is her who seems unsentimental/unemotional at times.

I don't really know what to do but i do know that i am deeply in love with her and will do anything to make it all right, i'm not going to give up on her or our relationship because i know we can be together for as long as is humanly possible if we want it, and i know i do.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008):

I act this way toward my fiance much of the time, but that is b/c I am tired of being the only one who opens up and makes herself vulnerable. I used to tell him, but I find that I cannot any longer, b/c I am resentful toward him for not reciprocating. He won't discuss his feelings about anything, and he won't tell me what's wrong, even when I accidentally hear him say things under his breath, such as "I can't take this anymore". When I did tell him, it did not seem to make any difference or change anything anyway, other than I would feel as though I had just wasted my breath and my time. I now question whether we have any business even staying together, b/c I don't know how on God's Earth we can go the long haul, when we cannot even talk to one another.

I do not feel comfortable talking with my fiance. Could it be she is not comfortable talking with you, maybe for some of the same reasons? Maybe she thinks it's no use? Maybe she wants you to be more open, which in turn would make it easier for her to open up to you? None of these scenarios may fit, but I am just throwing possibilities out there.

I give you credit for wanting to know what's going on instead of turning the other cheek as they used to say. However, my fiance seems genuinely concerned too, and tries to get me to talk. The fact of the matter is that he shares virtually nothing of himself with me, and it leads me to think either he's emotionally unavailable, or he's hiding an awful lot that he's keeping secret from me. Or both.

If you are open with your gf but she is not with you, maybe you should start questioning just who she really is, and where the relationship is going (or not going). Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008):

The last few months of the relationship I just ended were like that. Her dad had no job, she was having problems at school, and other issues. She treated me badly for the things I wasn't guilty of.

In the end she acknowledged that she was rude (and "cold"), and I knew I had been guilty of confronting her too much about it, and not understanding her issues; but we had to end it. She wasn't feeling comfortable and I had some problems that I needed to sort out.

What I'm trying to say is, ask her about it. Don't be confronting, just ask her, in a friendly, understanding way, questions like "what's wrong?", "would you like to talk?" or something along those lines. Don't say "you do [x] and [y] thing", just ask her if she's having problems that you don't know about.

I hope things get better for the two of you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008):

Is it possible your girlfriend may still have feelings for her ex? Sometimes it is difficult to move on to a new relationship when the previous one is not completely over.

She may have started a relationship with you on the rebound which is never good though if you sit down together and discuss your concerns about your relationship and get everything out in the open it will help and you will have a better idea regarding your future together.

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