A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It's going on six months since I left my daughter's father. At times, I wonder what he's doing but I need to move on. My work profermance is not what it use to be (be on top of things, completing paperwork before certain deadlines, etc). My motivation for work isn't there as much as it was there before. I am always eager to go home to my daughter. I don't care too much about anything but my daughter. My daughter's father actions are unpredictable. He's cool with me at one point then he's totally another person. He speaks of sexual innuendo's then he gets mad when I tell him," Go ask those girls you cheated on me, they will be more than happy to help you". He gets mad when I tell him. I don't understand why he's being the way he is towards me. Is he trying to conquer what he once had, is he trying to see what he can get out of me? I texted him, Don't ever talk to me again. He didn't respond back, but I gurantee, he will call me or text me something crazy. I feel he's trying to manipulate me to get what he can out of me. What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the info. I don't know what else I can say about my daughter's father other than he needs help, mentally. He could have retired from the military this past February which would have completed his full 18 years and still receive the military benefits as well as his pention, retirement pay, medical, all that. He got kicked out of the military for fratanizing (sp) and cheated on me twice. The first girl was his older sons best friends mother and the second girl, she just turned 18 years old. She lied to him about her age. The fact is he cheated on me. He's done so much to hurt me, emotionally. I stood by his side, took care of his two kids )from his first marriage) while he was in the brigg (military prison), I was pregnant, working full time and the list goes on. He was gone for two months serving his time in the brigg. I'm only 28 and he's getting ready to turn 39....this is too much and stressful. I am a good woman. I have a good job, my degree in Computer Science, independent, take care of myself and my daughter, take care of him and his kids, what more does he want out of me? I don't deserve any of this. No one does. I left him last November and he took it pretty hard. I did, too. Couldn't sleep or eat. We missed each other. I know he missed our daughter. It was time for us to leave. It didn't feel like home anymore. Betrayal, lies....I couldn't take it anymore. I stood by his side during his situation and so did my family. Before I was pregnant, we were dating and then we just separated. Then he decided to come knock on my door a few months later. I blocked his call, told my staff, if he calls, I'm busy. If he comes by, tell him I'm busy, etc. I admit my faults of saying what I shouldn't say. I put him down..kicked him while he was already down. I shouldn't done that. However, it was so hard for me. Working full time, help take care of his two kids and our daughter, pay the main utilities, and don't forget rent. His check was only good enough for his truck and his car insurance. He was also on state assistance. My pay checked paid for rent, the utilities and what I could pay of my personal bills. College loans, credit card bills, etc. Don't forget daycare. My credit is bad because I was helping him. We weren't even married. I am still wondering why he was so eager to get married.
I believe he's going thru a midlife crisis. His job contract is getting ready to be over. He doesn't know whether or not he'll be employed. A matter of fact, he may not be working now. Contract ended this past Friday and today dictates whether or not he has a job. He doesn't know I know all this. It helps who you know especially where he works at which he doesn't know.
I just want him to leave me alone. I hate the fact we need to stay in contact because of our daughter however, I am grateful he's trying to be in her life. He needs to work on himself first before it gets worse.
I already keep a daily journal, write down everything and anything he says and/or do, etc.
He sent me a picture of my daughter, thinking it was only her but it was her and him. Why? What is he trying to do?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2007): Hi there, I know exactly what you're going through. I left my daughter's father (my-ex) three years ago. I ended up changing all my telephone numbers and asked him to contact me via a certain e-mail. I made an entirely new email address for myself in case he guessed or was trying to log onto the one he always knew I had. You have to keep in contact with him because of your daughter, providing that you have a legal agreement? And you need to have it written in to your agreement that he only contacts you about non-emergency issues via email. Get a pager dedicated for him to be used only for emergencies only. It then gives you the choice to page him back. I don't know what your legal agreement is but I got all this stuff written in the parental agreement and finally the divorce agreement. You can't send him texts like 'don't ever speak to me again'. He is bringing up sexual innuendos because he hasn't got a clue how to communicate with you civilly. Your daughter will pick up on this tension so you get control of it now. Today and you will find you are more likely to face work and enjoy the time with your daughter rather than wanting to be with her because it is safe haven with her. I also started keeping all the texts, emails etc and keeping a diary of when he called. I also bought one of those little dicta-phones like what you see doctor's use and recorded messages from the answerphone or when he was yelling at me on the phone. Also don't respond with stuff about his other women, you are falling into his lair (sp?) and that is exactly what he wants, your reaction, to him even if it is childish. Don't pick up the phone and start custodial negotiations and make sure you present documentation and recordings to your lawyer of what his behaviour is like. He is doing this to your daughter too. I was amazed how much my daughter picked up. She could tell when I used to pick up voice mail messages, or texts from my ex. You take control NOW. Hope that helps. I'm here if you need to talk. Take care.
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