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female
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*rbmab
writes: BF very distant and confused why, just found out..what do I do? We have been dating for 2 years and fell deeply in love the first 5 months. We are both in our early 40's, never married, no children. Have successful careers and always receive comments from strangers as to what an attractive couple we are. The past 15 months, he stopped having sex with me and kept saying the stress of his self-employed job was killing him...he suffers from migraines and IBS so these were always excuses. I have suspected another woman but don't have proof. He continuously tells me that he loves me, I am the only one for him and he can't think of any reason why he would not want me by his side in the future. His birthday is Sat, and knew I had plans...but he told me that he had an opportunity to go hunting and he needed to get away...which blows Thanksgiving and birthday plans. I suspected he was going to spend the holiday with someone else, which he swears he is not. I expressed my feelings of hurt and mentioned how patient I have been over lack of sex, not seeing me as much, etc... He just told me that he was diagnosed with herpes that was contracted by a partner before me and he didn't know how tell me as was so afraid I would leave him...that he has never felt a connection or felt love like he does with me. What do I do? I do love him very much and know that people live with this disease and go on to have fulfilling lives. I'm disappointed he didn't tell me sooner to save me the anxiety of distrust.
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female
reader, srbmab +, writes (24 November 2006):
srbmab is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your insight. Yes we have had sex before, but never unprotected. I have been tested and have not contracted it...Thank God! So, have been reading about it a lot as I figure out what direction to head in. I guess education increases prevention. Your right about not being able to tell me...in 2 years? Think this in itself is what is bothering me the most. Thanks again!
A
male
reader, d4u04  +, writes (24 November 2006):
 My first concern is as you didn't meantion whether you two had sex (but as it's a 2 year relationship I'll asume you have) have you got yourself checked out for herpes aswel?
Because if he's saying he got it from an ex, it would have to mean two years ago, therefore if you have had unprotected sex, you may well have it too, I'm sorry to be so glum but you have to examine the possibilities.
If he says he hasn't cheated then I'm afraid you have two choices, believe him until proven otherwise, or break up with him before paranoia drives you apart anyway.
It sounds like he does love you but something is not adding up here. Trust is the basis of any relationship and without it, there is no point having a relationship. My main qualm as I have said before is the herpes thing, I mean two years, come on, surely he would have found a way to tell you before now?
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