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Met my online guy in person and he was lovely, but now we're separated by his job...

Tagged as: Long distance, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 October 2005) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 November 2005)
A female , anonymous writes:

Have I been used?

I recently met a guy online. It was the first time I had ever been in a chat room, so I thought it was really lucky that we hit it off so well.

We spent every night talking for hours online. It was pretty intense at times too!! After a few weeks he said he had to be somewhere, which meant he'd be close to my town. He asked if I'd like to meet, to which I surprised myself by saying I did!

It is not something I'd done before, so I was nervous, but when he turned up he was lovely.

My problem is that his work means he is currently in the middle east. We have only spent that one night together and when he is online over there, he does msg me, but it doesn't feel the same!

I don't know if I'm being a bit paranoid, cos he did say when he got home on the occasions he's allowed, that we could get together again. The trouble is we are about 350 miles is he just telling me what I want to hear? Or is it just that he is very busy so can't commit to anything?

I told him I would be willing to travel to him when he's over here, but he never commented on it.

Help me sort my head out, please!

View related questions: chat room

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2005):

Sorry to say this but I will be a bit more blunt because it's important you heal from this. But I do feel you've been used. You slept with him and now, he got what he wanted and isn't interested. Don't bother trying to get back with him, you'll only end up giving more of yourself without getting anything in return. When a guy is "crazy in love' or very, very interested in a woman...nothing-absolutely nothing, stops him from contacting her. He's acting evasive and cagey. His actions are a red flags. He's a scumbag..move on and find a nicer guy.

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A reader, communicatrix +, writes (31 October 2005):

communicatrix agony auntIt sounds like things may have simmered down on his side.

More importantly, it sounds like things may have simmered down with him *beyond an acceptable level for you*.

In other words, you were very happy and felt comfortable with and excited by this guy at one point; post-move, you're feeling anxious and needful of outside reassurance.

The truth is that *usually*, men will walk through fire if they're really into a woman. They'll certainly reply to an offer of a visit from a woman they're really into.

He may just be really busy; he may still be "into" you. But the bottom line is he's not into you enough *for you*.

My advice would be to put it on the back burner or let it go, if you can't do that, and focus on getting yourself back to normal and ready for the right guy to come along. And when he does, you'll know it's him because he will make the time for you, you will feel secure in his feelings for you and he will STILL thrill you to your toes.

Good luck!

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