A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Looking for guidence and help. Recentlty I was having problems with this guy and we broke up about 2 weeks ago. We were arguing and fighting a lot, but we were still seeing each other and we never really stopped talking. The past week I have learned to control my anger and pick my battles. He used to call me his girlfriend all the time and since the breakup I am just really insecure about what is really going on. He told me last night that we are not together, but if i sleep with another guy he will never speak with me again. He keeps telling me that we will get back together, but we need to work on things. I personally think we are pretty much together, and I am a little confused why he wont just say it. I want a guy's perspective on what to say, or if I should leave it alone and see what happens. I know he isnt sleeping with another girl because he is here every night. What could this mean, and what advice do you have for me?
View related questions:
broke up, get back together, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): That was the best answer I have ever recieved on here. Your right I even asked him this morning if we will ever get back together, and he said to leave him alone lol. I also asked him if I am just a booty call, and his reply was no I dont come over and have sex with you ever day lol. I am taking your advice, but how do I go about telling him without it turning into a fight.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): It means he basically is getting everything he wants from you but without the commitment. So he has a get out clause basically. The idea is that he gets to have sex and pretty much have you as a pseudo-girlfriend but if he gets pissed off at you or anything like that he can just walk away whenever he wants without talking to you about or giving an explanation because technically you have broken up. It also means he's free to find another girl.
Basically he's the one in control here, while the situation is like this you're completely powerless and what's worse is that you have to walk on eggshells because any hint of an argument and he can just walk away guilt free without even having to discuss it.
Make no mistake, you like to think you're still boyfriend and girlfriend but that's not the case at all. You're just fuck buddies now, he can take you or leave you anytime he wants because you've broken up, so as long as things are nice and rosy, as long you provide him with sex and all that stuff he'll be around but the minute times get strained or a little tough he's out of there.
I honestly think you need to take back some of the control here and you need to stop seeing him every day. You need to take a step back and act like you are broken up, then see what happens. You see while you are technically broken up gets to have you, he gets to keep you hanging on, while he can go off and do what he likes, that shouldn't be the case OP you can't give him something if he's not going to return it.
He won't tell you that you're together because you're not. He's just keeping you as a fuck buddy.
I personally would make this break up real for a week. I'd tell him that you need some time and space to re-evaluate the situation because you kind of do. I have a feeling you won't but I'd strongly recommend taking a break from him for a week. Don't let him call over or make any plans with him for a week and keep the contact minimal. There's no point in taking a break if you're going to be talking to him for 3 hours a day.
Just so we're clear OP, I'm not talking about doing this out of spite, making a big deal out of it, doing it out of anger nor even doing it to force his hand. You both need time to figure out what you really want, you want him back and you want this official again but at the moment he doesn't and he has no incentive to either because he still gets all the benefits of having you, the sex and the closeness but he doesn't have to put in any of the work, he gets to have his cake and eat it OP. He's not going to reconsider this position either because why should he? He still has you hanging off him so he doesn't need to have you as a girlfriend because he gets it all anyway.
He needs a week of actually being broken up and not spending every night with you to see if he really does want to break up or if he wants to be with you. Because honestly OP, it will stay like this for as long as you don't do anything about it because while it's like this you have to be very careful, one argument, one even hint of discontent and he's gone.
You see you have a "relationship" only in action at the moment, you have no security and he can walk away at any time. You both need a break to have a think about this, because the arguing hasn't gone away, the reasons you argue still exist they've just been put on hold by him breaking up with you and while this situation of being broken up still exists you're not going to argue because you don't want to lose him. Why would he change that situation when he has you exactly where he wants you, all the sex and all the love and you'll keep your mouth shut because he can leave at the first sign of trouble. That's not a situation I would accept if I were you. I'd do something about it and show him what being broken up actually means.
...............................
|
