A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I now deserve the stupidest person in the world award. I split up with my ex quite a few months ago. I didn't communicate with him at all after that. I've invested so much time in getting over him (it was my decision to break up, we were going nowhere). Then a couple of days ago he started calling me and texting again wanting "explain some things". I ignored all his communication and then when I finished work, he was waiting outside for me. So to get rid of him, I let him say his piece, (it's long story, but we basically split up because of issues with his gossiping, interfering friends.) He said he had finally realised that I was the one telling the truth and he is apparently no longer friends with the person in question. Which was nice to know but, typically, things got out of hand and we got drunk and had sex. And now I feel like crap, because all the time I've spent getting over him feels wasted. We promised to keep in contact in future as we have big history, but I scared now he'll think we can be FWB. I refuse to be so, and the best way to deal with it is to cut contact again. Would it be wise to txt him and just say I think it's better if we stay away from each other. I feel so confused now, as old wounds have opened up, and I don't think I could bear to have him in my life as it would tear me apart inside. I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me anymore, but he was asking me all sorts of questions about my life and got jealous when he saw me getting attention from other guys... I've got myself into a right mess! Advice please?
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female
reader, StormySeas  +, writes (5 September 2011):
Easier said than done; Anything that is opened can be closed, and every problem has a solution. We are human... we make mistakes. Maybe, rather than giving yourself a hard time over this and over analyzing the situation- you should look at this as part of closing this particular chapter in your life. A part that had to happen for you to realize that the relationship you had/have with him is not the right one for you. Live and learn, and if you have the feeling in your gut telling you that it is not the right thing for you...then just walk away. As far as whether you should text him or not, or open up the communication about ending things for good.... Uh... this is tough, but being a female myself I have closure issues where I feel the need to close, close, close the situation, almost to the point where I open it up again. I tend to speak my feelings too much for men to understand (inevitably confusing them or making them mad), and sometimes I wish I had just not said anything.Something I have been working on is to really try to think before I say or do anything. The problem will still be there, but if you put it in a safe place and walk away from it a bit, you may feel completely different about it.In the end, all works out. Broken hearts are no fun for anyone, but other doors will open. Best of luck in making your decision.
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (5 September 2011):
 you say you are scared in case he thinks you can be FWB? well, just don't do it! i think you need to cut contact coz you obviously are not over him yet or else this wouldn't have happened and you wouldn't be here now being all upset and confused about him. i would imagine if you carry on being friend that your emotions will take control and you will be pretty much willing to do whatever he wants. when you say he got jealous about the attention you have been getting from other guys, do you think that maybe this is what made him come back?
i would not even text him at the moment to tell him that you don't want to see him, it will only open up a line of communication that could end with you being talked into something. sleep on it for a few days. he may not even contact you, if he does, tell him then. you don't OWE him a call
x
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (5 September 2011):
 Hi,
First things first. The reason you broke up with him was due to false rumors, I am glad you met him to solve this issue, assuring that you were right all along. He realize that you were being honest with him.
Why do you think he doesn't love you anymore? To my understand you both solve the only issue you were having and the reason you broke up in the first place. Why don't you want to give this relationship another try? You said you still love him? I don't think you did anything wrong having sex with him. You both are single, have history and you still love him. Yes, it could be a mistake if this relationship will not survive.
Your next step is to figure out what you really want. Do you want to be with him? Do you think you guys can work things out? If so, please be happy and give him another try. But, if in hour heart you feel this cannot work, then the best thing to do is to not have any contact with him in the future. I guess, if you decide not to be with him anymore, you don't need to talk to him again, because you both had the chance to say whatever was in question.
Hope this helps and good luck to you.
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