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It ended before it even started!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2008) 1 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, anonymous writes:

For a while I liked a guy in the pub. We ended up getting together a couple of weeks ago. Both said we like each other but are worried of getting involved because we both have children to think about. And he said he likes being single and wishes he hadn't met me really because he doesn't want a girlfriend but cant help liking me! Anyway we decided to hang out and see what happens. There was a party last night and I had to go to a reunion. But had said I will get to the party later and was going to be stopping at his after. He txt about 10 to see how I was. I got in a cab and went to the party. He was dancing with a girl, thats fine, they're only mates. But I mentioned to a good friend of his about some other girl that I thought he liked, she said yes he does like her, has done for a while, but she doesn't like him like that. I had asked him about her last week and he said they are just mates, but he failed to mention he fancied her! when he came out for a smoke when I was already out there, I started talking to him and he said What!!? in a real abrupt way. I told him never to f****in talk to me like that again! who did he think he was. Anyway he stormed off home. I txt him after I got home and said dont contact me again, apart from the fact you failed to mention you fancied that girl, your mate had to tell me, you spoke to me like sh**! And made me feel I was spoiling his night turning up there. He said i'm wrong and I had a go at him. Yes I did, but he snapped at me first. His mate said after he left that it would of been the drink talkin.

Now I just feel a fool for doing anything with him in the last couple of weeks. I wish I hadn't bothered. But then I wonder if I over reacted. Feel rubbish today. Its probably blown me being able to go in that pub too now. Why are people such playas? Its not even like he was any oil painting!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

Hi there,

If you want me to be really honest, it sounds to me as if you over-reacted.

The guy told you that he didn't really want a girlfriend, so it was clear that he might be seeing or interested in other women. Fair enough, and good on him for being honest. And of course he has a right to fancy other people, he hasn't committed to anyone, after all. Also, of course he didn't tell you he fancied that other girl. He fancies you too don't forget! He is being discreet, not lying.

So the only thing he has done wrong is be a bit abrupt with you. But he was drunk and maybe he didn't hear you but didn't mean it to come out like that? I don't think swearing and shouting at him, bringing up some girl he has the audacity to fancy, and then warning him never to contact you again is going to endear him to you as a future partner I'm afraid.

Best write the whole business off and put it behind you I think.

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