A
female
age
30-35,
*yriekins
writes:Story:My ex and I got together after being friends for a couple weeks. He's 25 and I'm 19. It was very unexpected since I just got out of a 2 year long relationship a couple months before and had dated someone else for a few weeks. Our relationship lasted from March-August. I know it's not long and I can't say we've been through a LOT, but it's relationship I want to pursue.We were so close. We did things I would never expect to do with anyone else. He had some really great qualities. He's intelligent, tall, the perfect mix between cute and sexy. He was a wonderful lover. We had similar interests and brought new things to the table. He plays guitar and videogames while I'm an artist and have many hobbies. He did have some bad qualities as well. He's not always chivalrous, he's not the best at speaking through text, and he's not always compassionate. They're all things we could work on though :(We broke up because we had a few small fights and because we're on "different levels" according to him. Before me, he dated someone for 6 years. They moved in together and broke up because she was pushy and "lost her soul" according to him. It had been about 2 years since their breakup, but it's still longer than my relationships. He says hes at the point where he's "jaded" and can't be as romantic as I like. I can understand that. Even I don't want to repeat the gooey lovey dovey stuff from my previous relationships. It was nice to have this change. My "level" is that I need someone who's more adventurous and romantic. But I really can live without all that if it meant keeping him :/In a previous fight he complained that I walked away because I yelled at him and left the house. He wished I would have fought. So he said he "didn't fight back". That's completely weird for our breakup then for him to not fight back for me. He just said that were on different levels and there's nothing we can do. Even though I know there is.He said he still loved me, but it's best to be friends. So we did that. But I told him wasn't done fighting. Since then I had been working on my appearance and finding other ways to impress him. We even hung out like before and ended up having sex twice. He acted as if he were in love again. But after sex the second time he told me that we should stop because he doesn't want me to get my hopes up. I understand guys are different, but I don't see how someone who doesn't love a person can have sex with them... We even cuddled a few times.Anyways, just a few days ago I found out that he's dating this girl who has been his best friend. Shes nothing like him.. He even fought with her and didnt talk to her for a few weeks. He agreed with me that she is a whore. Yet now he's dating this bar slut. It makes no sense. She will never be able to give him what I did. I'm just really confused. After all of my friends telling me to give up, I really don't want to. I know I'm stubborn about this. I mainly want some advice on coping with this and help with getting him back. Is there any hope? Is it worth persisting? What is your experience with this? Questions:
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (23 October 2011):
When he said that the two of you were on different levels I think it means that I did not expect you to react in the ways that you did the led to the break up. He is 25 after a 6 year relationship and he probably didn't expect those kind of arguments.
I can see you are making very strong attempts to have him for yourself as well. Your "stubbornness" I think deserves praise. Your attempts have even led to sex but I think this would only confuse him more since he was set on just being friends. I am sure you would feel the same if you were in his shoes and you had sex with your ex who you just wanted to be friends with.
Anyway, I wont analyse his actions anymore. What I would like to say though is that chasing someone is not the way to get them back. It is good to have some contact but being a friend will not win them back. He is dating this girl because it is still a different experience for him and he feels like this is what he needs. Being that you 2 are friends, it is normal to send each other the complaints. If a boy was chasing you like you are, would you take him back? There is no 100% way to get them back but perhaps your friends are right to some extent, in that you should not per sue him with the kind of intent that you do now. Right now I think you just need to step back and take in the bigger picture, try to collect your thoughts and emotions and not get carried away with them.
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