A
female
age
41-50,
*implelifegirl74
writes:Well I had been married for 15yrs before I had my affair last summer 2011. It has been so long ago that I felt any sort of connection other than friendship with my husband. I have always had to deal with mental abuse from my in laws and my husband has never stood up for me to his parents. I almost feel like being married to my husband is like having a 4 child. We met when I was 21 and I had 15month old son, he did take my son own like his own. I will always be grateful to him for that. For the first 1yr in a half our marriage was good, then we had twin boys in 1998. Things went bad after that I felt very alone...I tried to leave our marriage in 2001, but he convinced me to stay, I said to him I don't want our marriage to be like this when our oldest is in highschool and guess what it is! So I started my business and became very successful, so being so focused on my business put a band-aide on my marriage. At that time I paid for everything, business expense, vacations...including his family, home expense, a new house, new cars and everything in between. But it all changed in 2008, one of my employees had a massive stroke and died in my arms in my store...so my mental status changed and so did my marriage..I tried to lean on my husband but he wasn't there..he nor his family..I decided to close my store and get myself together as the dr recommend..but now that I wasn't making money, I wasn't good enough again for him or his family and all I heard you need to just get over it move on...so needless to say our marriage once again was south and the band-aide wasn't there anymore. My husband has never ever been involved with the boys schools, never been to a school function or looked at a report card, he works 10 to 10.5hrs a day, I feel he prefers to work so he don't have to do anything around the house or be bothered with us. I think it is his excuse to say he is a good provider and that is all he wants to do. It has been years since I have went to bed with him, he stays up on the computer and on the weekend sleeps til 2pm so we never did anything as a family, it is always me and the boys. When we are together I have to plea for conversation, I feel like I'm next to a deaf mute. So I from 2008 til 2011 I told him please let's work on our marriage I'm not happy, but nothing ever changed. I said we need counseling, we started in 2011 but he felt nothing was wrong and he was happy with the marriage the way it was...but I wasn't I wanted to feel loved, to feel important, to feel pretty, to feel like meant something to someone, I wanted a conversation. So I knew very well my intent..so I sought out to find that man and I did but I had know idea I would fall so deep, I met my affair last May our first date was like a postcard..fairytale. We both fell hard fast, I kept telling my husband I wanted a divorce and wanted to get me and boys our own place. He wouldn't let me leave and said if I did he would get me on desertion. So I stuck to my surprise he had his mother hire a private investigor to follow me and my affair, well they got the information they needed. So then the weekend of July 4th after the best weekend, I came home to find out my husband had the PI on us..so to keep my boys out of this I had to abruptly end my affair...my heart was crushed because I was truly in love with this man, but my boys come first. So my husband wanted to make our marriage work but I was so done, but for my boys I said I would try. At this time I started seeing a counselor to talk about everything. Two weeks later I was miserable and falling into a huge depression...my husband and I separate for 4 months..he came back home in January..and now it is march...my goal is get finically stable and make a move this summer with me and my boys..but I want to smart this time around...but even after 8 months I still totally in love with my affair..how do I heal? How do mend my broken heart? Is it possible for me love again? Or is what I did completely wrong? Advice appreciated..thanks for reading my story
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affair, crush, divorce, his ex, money, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Simplelifegirl74 +, writes (14 March 2012):
Simplelifegirl74 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to each of you for your response... But to the anonoymous male...I can honestly say I would never put my boys in the middle of anything as I have been the ONLY one their for them their whole lives, so I think it is very unfair to say I hurt them...because they were never involved, never had been and never will be. But you are right I do need to and will become single before I move forward, but also want to make know my affair was not married. I see you stated for me to go for a single man well he was single. It was very hard for me to tell my story and I do appreciate everyone's input. I will move forward
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 March 2012):
 Exactly what worldlywise said.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): I say be single for yourself first. Then contact the other guy and see if he feels the same. He may or may not but it's worth a try. I wish you the best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): "Or is what I did completely wrong?"Yes, it is. I'm sorry, but there are NO valid reasons to have an affair. If you were so unhappy in your marriage the right course of action would have been to seek counseling, and if that didn't work then you go for a divorce. It is NEVER a good decision to have an affair.There are many reasons why I say this. Affairs are very destructive. You hurt your husband, and as much as you say you didn't want to you DID involve your kids as innocent victims in it. Furthermore, you inflicted emotional harm on yourself by falling for a man you could never have. All of that was sacrificed for some temporary gratification.By the way, you may have felt that your affair was fairytale perfect, but the truth of the matter is it was never anything real. It's much easier for the illusion of "perfect" to happen in an affair because of this. At the end of the day you went home to your husband and the other man went home to his wife. How is that a fairytale?If you've concluded that you want out of your marriage, then file for divorce. Do not wait, as that's only putting your life on hold. We only get one chance at this... make the most of it! Become single and then seek out single men.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2012): I don't agree with affairs, but can see why you did what you did.
You pine for not just the man but the way he made you feel, for the happiness you found with him.A taste of what life could be like. While you are unhappy you will, I think, continue to miss him and those feelings badly.
I hope you are able to leave your husband, to take the boys, to find peace of mind. When your free there's no reason at all why you won't find love,why wouldn't you.
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