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I'm secretly bi and in love with a guy - will I ruin our friendship?

Tagged as: Dating, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 26 December 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Heres the story, Im Bi and not out,but a friend of mine i have always been attracted to him but i think im in love with him i cant stop thinking of him and really want to kiss his lips romanticly.

I dont know whether to tell him because.

1. it could ruin my friendship with him.

2. i dont know if he feels the same way.

3. he was inlove with this girl but i asked him the other day if he was still in love with her and he said he not in love with her. so he could be 100% straight.

4.if i tell him everyone will know that im not straight.

What do i do im crazy about him and cant stand not been able to tell him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008):

That's tricky. I've felt the same way about one of my best friends, and know the same of many others...

I assume this is so common mainly because friends are amazing people, and we're prone to love them more than others.

I think you need to understand his opinion on homosexuality first. If you go out and kiss him or do something ridiculous like that, you'll lose a lot.

Feel people out, get to know their beliefs. Maybe even come out before asking?

What's holding you back from coming out of the closet?

How long are you planning on keeping it a secret?

I think your best course of action, after you get to know your friends' thoughts on homosexuality, would be to come out of the closet to your close friends-- maybe even just your best friend! If he's your best friend, he should accept you for who you are. However, if you go after him off the bat, you might offend him, and you might ruin your friendship.

After you come out, then I would advise you to wait and see how he reacts. Give it time, and if you feel it's right, then perhaps try and get closer with him.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008):

You need to find out his feeling for same sex relationships. If he's ok with them then you can jump in and kiss him.

But you could use your eyes to tell. Use meaningful glances and stares without overdoing it to find out.Do something that put the two of you in a spot were it seems as if its ok to kiss him, like wrestling,while watching porn, being somewhere dark. You could even pretend to ACCIDENTALLY kiss him and see how he reacts to that. Seeing that its your friend its going to be hard to tell and risky.

If you do tell him dont exploded and tell him all of your feels and fantasies and creep him out. Just say "I like you".

You could ask you joke to help like say stuff like" If I were a girl/gay I'd definitely want to get with you" then rub his leg and smile, ut you have to make it obvious you're joking, see how he reacts to that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008):

Go for it kiss him if he kisses you back you know you got a chance,

If he pushes you away you know you havent you heart wont break any more than if you thought you could have a chance and never take it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

I think before you attempt to do anything have a very general conversation to him and see how he feels about people of the same sex getting involved. That should give you a very good indication as to if there is any chance to pursue anything with him or not. Take it very slow and very easy, just chat in general and get his opinion. Once you have that answer, you will know if you could pursue him or if you should just let your dream go by as a fantasy.

Good luck.

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