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I'm having an ongoing fight with my boyfriend. Was his comment about calling okay? How should I behave?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 April 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 1 May 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi all..so my boyfriend and I had a fight 5 days ago-well not really a fight, so here's what happened: wie just made up from another fight and sunday he cooked dinner for me. He told me that he's still looking for a job and just can't find anything (there are plenty of jobs, but not the right one for him)

I told him that he's to picky, he just needs one where he gets linke 200 bucks a month, so he won't even spend much time on it.

He told me I'm being to pushy and cocky, I'm not better than him just because I work as a maid and don't care about it. Today he explained to me that he felt like talking to a stranger and not his girlfriend and that he's super mad at me for not understanding him. I told him I'd do my best to show him that i respect his decision even though I might not understand it and apologized. He wouldn't let go and went on about how bad he felt. I kept apologizing an we eventually made plans for tonight. We also texted about normal stuff and as I was about to leave the house he just said that he didn't want to see me anymore and that he would call me in a few days. I called him and he sounded super pissed.

I asked him whats wrong and if he's still mad and he just gold me to stop being annoying..so we hung up.

I don't get it..I know I hurt him, but I apologized and we made plans for tonight..wie texted and it was normal, maybe a little tense, and suddenly he's super mad at me again and fobs me off with 'i'll call you these days.

Is that ok of him? How should i behave?

Thanks a lot

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014):

OP, from what you've described in your subsequent posts, there isn't anything wrong with you. Your boyfriend is simply lazy and wants to be babied.

I understand that finding a job you like to do is tough, but we're talking about part-time. Working as a waiter would help bring in some cash depending on the restaurant he works at. I used to waitress at a restaurant (non-chain) and working 5 hours got my upwards of $80 in tip, but $3.00 hourly. Holidays I sometimes got $100. It was backbreaking work, but it paid well. As a waiter, you really don't have to interact with your customers that much. You greet them, tell them about the specials, take their orders, and check up on them now and then.

Finding a job where you don't have to interact with people is pretty difficult.

I think you should end the relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014):

We both go to university and he just needs a job where he spends maybe 20-25 hours a month. He has money to pay his bills but there isn't much left to buy grocieries and stuff like that. And still he doesn't want to do every job. He doesn't even want to work as a waiter, not even for a little while. He doesn't want to talk to people during is job and doesn't want any responsibility either, and that's hard to find.

He could have a job where he works 1 1/2 hours a week.. it's not much at all but at least something..he still doesn't want to do it, not enough hours.

His business but I don't think I was being arrogant..

Oh, and we don't live together, but I still have more, because I'm not picky about my job.

Chrissy

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2014):

What field is your boyfriend aiming for? How long has he been unemployed? Do you two live together? What's your financial situation and are you carrying his weight for him (e.g. paying the bills, paying for other expenses like eating out)?

If he's in his mid to late 20s, he's got to get a job. Is he even applying to positions or is he passing them up because they're not what he's looking for? What exactly is he looking for in a job or is he simply being picky and lazy when he has no right to be? When you apply for a job, it takes at least 1-2 months of a hiring process. So if he hasn't even applied to a job, he's not getting anywhere...

"Today he explained to me that he felt like talking to a stranger and not his girlfriend and that he's super mad at me for not understanding him."

He's trying to guilt trip you it seems. He needs to get a job. As soon as possible. That's it. What does he do all day? He's acting like a child and trying to change what the real problem is. The problem isn't that you should be more understanding. He needs to apply for jobs.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2014):

It's me again..i know why he didn't want to see me..he textet me a sentence in a foreign language and asked me if it was right ( i study this language). He askes me questions like that about this language and he knows that i sometimes just can't say yes or no, because i have to explain some things in order to answer his question.

Same thing today, i explained what's wrong and whats right about it and that he needs the right context if he wants to use this sentence.

He told me that i was being insensitive, cocky and arrogant, which is not true at all. He told me i shouldn't have answered like usually, i was should have been more sensitive and just answered his question with a yes er no.

Again, i told him that i sometimes can't because i don't know any better and that this way i just try avoiding something wrong and that i didn't mean to be arrogant about it.

This discussion went in for linke 15 minutes and i said that he shouldn't ask me anything about it if he doesn't like the way i answer and that he's being too sensitive about it..and i said that he got me wrong..then he startet a discussion why i just now said that he got me wrong, and why i didn't mention it before..i told him that i sort of said it, he'd just have to read between the lines.

He ended our discussion by blocking me, because he didn't want to read anything else i was about to write.

Is there anything wrong with me? He complains a lot about me lately and actually was the one who tried to teach me how to take care of my hair just a few days ago..he was really arrogant that day. I could just go on and on.

We fight a lot and it's so exhausting so i usually give in. Did i do anything wrong though? Getting other peoples perspective would be super helpful, i'm really desperate:(

Thanks again,

Chrissy

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