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writes: I'm 15 and this past weekend i went with my youth group on this retreat and one of the guys brought a friend along. His name's Jared and he's 16. We just met and all but i really like him. He's strong in his faith which is important to me. He's also smart and funny, which is a turn on as well. I'm not sure how to go about this new relationship. He's someone that i can see myself with in the future but we don't go to the same school so the only time i'd see him would be with a group of people. How can i let him know that i like him without freaking him out? (cause i only did just meet him a couple of days ago!) How can i get him to like me? thanks in advance! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 November 2006):
 Perhaps you'll be relieved to know that you don't ~ever~ need to tell someone that you like them; not in so many words anyway. People pick that up without it ever being said. Think about it: even a puppy can tell if you like him or not! How much more likely for a young man to notice it?
All you have to be is pleasant company. If Jared doesn't like that, then it was never going to work anyway. I wouldn't recommend trying to be something that you're not already. If you do, eventually one of two things happen: either your facade slips and he finds out you're not what he thought, or you get tired of pretending. Either way, it doesn't lead to happiness for all time.
I'm very much a proponent of the being-up-front school of meeting people. You walk up to him smiling and say something like "Hi Jared. I'm going to the movies with some friends and maybe for lunch after at the weekend. I'd love for you to come with us."
Leave it as a friendly invitation, so he doesn't feel pressured. If he can go, that's brilliant. And if not, you keep smiling and ask "Some other time then?"
Lots of guys are relieved that they didn't have to do the asking, and some are quite flattered, so you risk very little by being direct.
There isn't any advice I can give you for "getting him to like" you, because socialising doesn't really work that way. It's no different from meeting a new girl in school. If she's a nice person, has things in common with you and is reasonably polite, you'll probably like her. That's not to say that you'll be Best Friends (the social equivalent of boyfriend-girlfriend) with her; that only happens on rare occasions. Same thing with dating. You meet someone, you get to know them and you might like them, or you might LI-I-I-IKE them.
If you look at meeting guys as akin to meeting friends, it might seem less daunting. And since good relationships are based on friendship and mutual respect, it should be familiar ground. After all, guys just want the same thing you want: to be thought of as attractive (both physically and emotionally) and to have someone special in their lives. Hard to have those things without also being friends with them, right?
Hope this is some insight.
-Bev
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