A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I spilt up with my ex in November as he was working long hours and has a child (genuine reasons and nothing between him and ex)he doesn't have the time to commit to anything else at the mo. He said that its not me, and he would ask me out again in the future when he's sorted his work out. We are trying to be mates and thats ok, but I have feelings for him still. We recently talked about making love((his words)and I do really want cos it was always amazing but will I be ruining any chances of us working things out in the future. At the moment he can't offer more than friendship and that. I don't wanna lose him as a friend either, and he has sad that he does really like and care about me a lot. What should I do? Should I just stay mates or have the benefits too? Any advice would really helpasI am quite confused.Thanks x
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for replying, I know what your saying I really do, but I can't get him out of my head. I texted him yesterday saying that it's driving me crazy and I don't know what to do.I havn't heard back from him yet but then he may have no credit. The problem is I don't want to cut off contact with him because if anything is gonna happen mates or otherwise I don't want to feel awkward later. I've been told by a friend I care too much about what other people think and put others 1st too often not just him but family and friends too, and that I should put myself 1st every once in a while. I know that they are right but this is what I'm like, I always put his feelings 1st before my own. I need to toughen up.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): You seem to have a good insight into your situation. Remain friends with him, if you want to, but don't have sex with him until he can make the time to commit to you. That would be the sensible thing to do. Meantime, so long as you and he are not sleeping together, what's to stop you from dating others? I think nothing. You don't have to fall in love with anyone at this time, either! But, you might just meet a man who is very interested and who really wants to be with you, in a committed relationship.
Think about it, and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2007): That is what I've been thinking too, but I'm unsure. we still text every few days, and have done since we split, I have seen him at our local a few times and he always seems really pleased to see me, we do get on really well. A few weeks ago I asked him for a bit of space to sort my head out, and tho he understood he didn't want us to fall out as he wants us to be mates, friends have said they think he thinks that I'll wait for him, but I don't wanna be a fool. He's even gone out of his way to favours for my family, and that was last week. I do think that we may have a chance in he future and thats why I don't wanna give in now, cos if he can get sex without the relationship will he just not bother later?
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (29 January 2007):
 I'm really sorry but it sounds like what he's saying is that he doesn't want to be with you but he still wants all the benefits of going out with you. I think giving him sex would be a total mistake on your part unless you can totally separate it from your emotions.
CD
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