A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I realised i have been pressurizing my bf for marriage from the second month of our relationship partly because i thought that would work. i also tried being a doormat (cooking, cleaning, washing and trying to be a wife)in order to make him realise i would make a good wife. i have asked him to tell me if he wants to marry me about nine times in two years, and each time, i thought that breaking up with him would kind up threaten him and make him decide to marry me but it has never worked. Each time we broke up and he didnt decide to marry, we came back approximately two weeks after. he says i am trying to control him. I just recently broke up with him again because of this before i realised that the threatening method may not actually be the best. what do you think i should do now? we have a good relationship, he loves me and treats me well, but i am thinking that if i go back now and start acting like i am indifferent about the marriage issue, it would seem false. i am very very confused right now. i dont know what to do. please help. i really love this man and do not want to lose him. i am also very very insecure
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): OK, you haven't had an Olympic moment but cleaning, cooking, etc is not being a doormat, it is just doing the chores unless you chose to be his cleaning lady knowing full well you were doing it with ulterior motives.
As others have said, you were premature in asking for a marriage commitment so soon into your budding relationship and crying wolf just makes you look weak and desperate in his eyes and probably you own as well. Since you are looking for marriage tell him you want to have an important discussion about your relationship and that you want his feel on things. Ask him where he sees the two of you a year on or so and based on his answers decide for yourself whether the relationship the two of you have is worth pursuing. If he is not seeing the same thing as what you are looking for then it is time for you to part ways for reral once and for all time.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): What man would want to get married these days?
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A
female
reader, Frenzotic  +, writes (29 November 2009):
 You've used the words pressuring and threatnening...that's definitely not the way to go, if anything it'll just make him back off even more.
It's a bit too sudden especially when you're already on his case TWO MONTHS into your relationship.
Breaking up with him so much leaves the relationship unstable.
Plus using it as 'tool' to get him to either marry you or lose you isn't healthy.
You need to spend far more time with him being you...not some kind of potential housewife because he's already seen that. Spend time, share moments, laugh together, just concentrate on building the relationship into something real strong. Talk to him, tell him your desires, where you see yourself in a few years and ask him the same, see what he wants, what he feels. Don't threaten him into it.
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A
male
reader, yussuf +, writes (29 November 2009):
 Quit acting desperate and let everything fall into place. if you force him to marry you when he isn't ready you'll end you getting hurt. Just ease off a bit and focus on building up a strong relationship first.
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