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I want her to know I love her but I don't want to pressure her

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 November 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 November 2014)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

i have been with my girlfriend for just about a year now. she is 21 and i am 29. everything has been going very well. i love her and she says she loves me. we have a lot in common and always have fun. never fight. her family likes me and my family likes her. about a week ago i noticed she was pulling away from me. i asked her and she said she doesnt know if she is as happy as she should be and she doesnt know if she sees a future with me. this crushed me. i told her i would give her her space and thats what i did. a week later she invited me over for thanksgiving. it went very well. she hugged me kissed me said she missed me and loved me and was so happy that i came over. she said she was so happy that she invited me over. i guess my question is, how do i keep things going in the right direction? i want to tell her how much i miss her and love her but i dont want to pressure her or come off overbearing or desperate. she still is distant and i cant stand it. what is the best way to handle the situation? just keep giving her space and wait for her to come to me? please any advice will help. thank you

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2014):

As much as it will hurt you might want to step back and maybe not even contact her for a while. Unfortunately this may be the end of the relationship due to her uncertainty about her happiness and about a future with you. Did you discuss in detail why she was feeling this way all of sudden and did she give you clear reasons for all this change in her feelings? Unfortunately this is what happens when one person is never really clear on what is going on or maybe they suddenly change or they have mental instabilities. Has she suggested feeling like this in the past of had thoughts of breaking up before this?

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom +, writes (29 November 2014):

Yes I think you should keep giving her space. Real space, as in you don't contact her unless she contacts you for a while. If she's not sure of her feelings, then she needs to really see what her life is like without you. Hopefully she will realise that she misses you when you're not there and come back to you, but she won't get that chance until you properly step back.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2014):

Hmmm women can be kind of tricky like this.

In my experience, men like to go off on their own to think about things, but women want you to ask them what's wrong. Honestly, she's already told you that she doesn't see a future with you. She could already be planning a breakup, which would explain why she's been distant.

But you should ask her. Try, "Is there anything specific you're worried about?" or, "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" If you're really serious about her, you could even try seeing a couple's counselor (if she's open to it).

She may be worried about the large age difference between you two, if you're ready to settle down and get married and she's not there yet. That could be another thing to talk to her about.

PS. Women love to hear how much we're loved. No harm in telling her that a few times.

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