A
male
age
36-40,
*azednconfsed
writes:Hey everyone,Well, I've been in a very confusing relationship for a year and half now. Basically, I'm in love with a girl that's in love with someone else. This other person lives in a country country and they only see each other for once every couple of years but have only been a couple for less than a year. The thing is, this guy has been a big part of her life, they made promises and plans to be and together married. Then she met me and started to fall for me. Not to mention, the other guy was her first everything. For the last year and a half shes been confused because she knows I'm here and he's not but she can't get over the other guy.She was single for the last 6 months or so until last Sunday. She got back with him because she says she still loves him, but she never really tried to get over him because they kept in contact regularly and still told each other they love each other. This whole entire time she's known how I feel for her but she hasn't been able to commit to me because of him.This has happened before and as a result we would stop talking for a couple of weeks then eventually initiate contact again. I don't know whether its because she's lonely and wants attention, or she misses me. I know she has feelings for me but tries to fight them. I feel like a back up and hurts. we've talked about it before but we keep going through the same cycle.All my friends have said, I have to put my foot down and not talk to her or spend time to show her what its like without me because right now she knows I'm always here for her. I really want to be with her, but I don't know what else to say or do. help please? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dazednconfsed +, writes (9 November 2008):
dazednconfsed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for you comments so far. the thing is shes the one who sways back and forth. I'm not the one who decides to stop talking; she is. I try and respect her decision but after a couple of weeks she'll contact me and we'll start talking/seeing each other again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): ohmyg is female and she is the long distance boyfriend?
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A
female
reader, ohmyg +, writes (8 November 2008):
Hmmmm. I am in a similar situation but I am the long distance boyfriend. If you are the other man in her life, and it's painful to feel like a back-up for something that is missing, you definitely have to try to sever contact with her. You should be forthright as to why you are not longer entertaining her phone calls and emails. You choose what you accept. If it's acceptable for you to be in this dismal situation of "limbo love", it could only hurt you more. She will decide whether not having you around is something she could live with.
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A
male
reader, danieluco  +, writes (7 November 2008):
hey dude, i totally understand you, I am in a similar situation situation as you, at least on the early stages, since i know that you like her, i would suggest making her see that you can fill the voids in her that her boyfriend cant,(all this has to be subtle) be the representation of the person she wants to be. Also it may sound cruel but create some pain and tension, "break-up" with her, even tough you are not technically going out, tell her lets stop seeing each other then get back together later, in other words keep her on her toes all the time and seem nonchalant. don't ever be taken for granted. be the one in control. the breakup thing is a triumph card it works charms at turning tables. I suggest you read "the Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene, great book with a lot of helpful hints, is working great for me! hope this helped you.
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