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I really want a bf but boys only ever notice my friend.

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Question - (23 December 2007) 12 Answers - (Newest, 31 December 2007)
A female United Kingdom, anonymous writes:

I have this friend who is stunning, confident and flirty and all the boys fancy her.

Trouble is, they don't notice me. And she can be a bit slutty too. Last night she had a party, there were two hot guys there and , surprise surprise, she spent the whole night all over them both.

I've never even had a boyfriend (i'm not that bad looking! im just not confident around boys.) but what do you do when you have a friend like this? The boys always go after her and i'm left on the side awkwardly.

I really want a boyfriend but nobody notices me and I don't have the confidence to make the first move, Im scared about what people would say. Im annoyed now because I really could have liked these two at the party but it was too awkward after my friend had made out with them in my face.

What can I do?

View related questions: confidence, flirt, notice me

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007):

It sounds to be that your jelous of your friend.

How would she feel if she knew that you were calling her a slut?

Regardless of how she behaves a true friend wouldnt judge her, you need to find some one to hang out with who u dont feel inimidated by and she needs some one who wont stab her in the back.

Dont blame your lack of self confidence on some one else.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007):

I'm a guy who had a similar problem with pal of mine...he was the type that NEEDED the attention from EVERY female. if there were 3 cute girls in the room he would make it his business to flirt with all 3. The girls didnt even have a chance to notice me because he was all over them. If you really like this person as a friend, then only be around her when you aren't out scoping guys, and dont bring her around your potential boyfriends because she is sure to hog all the attention. The 1st step in working on your self asteem is dont bring her around other guys. Its ok to be a bit shy, but she takes advantage of that. If anything its her that has low self asteem.

J

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi

Thanks for the advice everyone :)

I'm 15.

I have tried telling her who I like in the past but she's the kind of person who can't keep a secret, she ends up letting slip to the person I like.

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A female reader, bemused Canada +, writes (24 December 2007):

bemused agony auntHi hun

From reading your post it would seem that your friend would be a challenging friend for anyone to have. If she met two guys and was all over them maybe she can make the assumption with you that you will put up with it. It does not mean she does not care about you....she may see you as a bit of a tried and true. That sets up a vicious circle where you start to feel bad about yourself because you get treated like you are invisible.

Do you have other friends besides this gal who you could chum with who might be more respectful. I agree with Sweet111 that your confidence and self esteem are not high right now. You do not mention your age so it is hard for me to be specific about things you could do. I am sure you are attractive. What about a new haircut and some new clothes for the new year..that always gives a boost. I would distance myself from this friend and try doing things where you can meet guys where making out is not the be all and end all....let them get to know you.

Hope this helps hun and Merry Christmsa

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007):

Hi hun

From reading your post it would seem that your friend would be a challenging friend for anyone to have. If she met two guys and was all over them maybe she can make the assumption with you that you will put up with it. It does not mean she does not care about you....she may see you as a bit of a tried and true. That sets up a vicious circle where you start to feel bad about yourself because you get treated like you are invisible.

Do you have other friends besides this gal who you could chum with who might be more respectful. I agree with Sweet111 that your confidence and self esteem are not high right now. You do not mention your age so it is hard for me to be specific about things you could do. I am sure you are attractive. What about a new haircut and some new clothes for the new year..that always gives a boost. I would distance myself from this friend and try doing things where you can meet guys where making out is not the be all and end all....let them get to know you.

Hope this helps hun and Merry Christmsa

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007):

Lets look at this from a different angle. They are not necessarily attracted to her looks,but to her behavior. When you do finaly attract someone,they will be attracted to a person,not to sexual potential.

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A female reader, Butterflyfly United Kingdom +, writes (23 December 2007):

Butterflyfly agony auntgo out with somebody else :). or even better, try to be more confident with yourself. you seem like you look up to your 'stunning' friend but you are probably stunning in different ways, you might have more interesting things to do and say. if you;re out with her, and feel like joining in 'the circus', compete with her in different ways. think of what have you got under your sleeve that she hasn't? perhaps the confidence that you don;t feel the need to be a man-eater but can always be a witty funny and relaxed company? ;)

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A female reader, Butterflyfly United Kingdom +, writes (23 December 2007):

Butterflyfly agony auntgo out with somebody else :). or even better, try to be more confident with yourself. you seem like you look up to your 'stunning' friend but you are probably stunning in different ways, you might have more interesting things to do and say. if you;re out with her, and feel like joining in 'the circus', compete with her in different ways. think of what have you got under your sleeve that she hasn't? perhaps the confidence that you don;t feel the need to be a man-eater but can always be a witty funny and relaxed company? ;)

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A female reader, uhhhhey United States +, writes (23 December 2007):

uhhhhey agony auntI know where you're coming from, being confident around guys can be really difficult. I bet if you talked to other girls about it, theyd all agree. Even if you don't think it, boys are probably ten times more nervous around girls than what you'd expect. I suggest you talk to your confident friend and she'll probably have some great advice since she seems like a pro. Just loosen up and remember that nobody's out to get you or make fun of you, just be yourself and don't think about how intimidating other people can be. Everybody is the same deep down and we all just want to be liked, you are not the only one lacking confidence.

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A male reader, Sweet111 United Kingdom +, writes (23 December 2007):

I really don't think there's much you can do, if you're not confident, you need to work on it, life's too short, you really need to be confident in this life... it's not you know, its who you know... the more confident you are the more people you'll get to know and themore prospects you'll face.

As for your friend, maybe it would be worth hinting to her if you ever like someone... if she doesn't then maybe she would sort of hint to him and things could go from there...

I don't know... but its worth a try maybe, although the way you talk there may not be many guys she'd try it with.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007):

The truth is they probably do notice you but want you to make more of a move on them. It all psychology:

They 'notice' your friend more makes you want them more you talk to them

Men are lazy!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2007):

Allow me to be perfectly blunt.

" I am human and i need to be loved "

i'm not bragging but i have slept with some very stunning women. almost model like.

( and this is in no way saying all hot women are like this... )

But sure they're hot. and they know it. and they use that.

however.. they're usually bitches, Boring as all hell and have as much personality as a wet dishcloth.

ok.. the guys were hot..woo!... theres only enough blood in a mans body to run one head at a time.

those hot guys were creaming over your hot friend... yeah they're gonna screw her.. and thats it. they might make her breakfast but its unlike they'll stick around. they sound like they'd make Fine bf's. being attracted to sluts and all.

Do you want a bf.. or just to get laid.. if you want to just get laid.. dress up slutty like your friend and the guys will handle the rest.( the shy slutty look works i feel)

if you want a bf.. yeah that can be a little trickier. finding a guy who doesn't want whats in your pants instantly . ( of course sexual attraction is always the first step)

its just as awkward for guys as it is to girls starting up a convosation.

just do yourself a favor and don't pick some asshole whose going to treat you like crap and you only stay with him for the sake of being in a relationship.

and if in doubt. buy an xbox 360 or a Wii and theres your convosation starter.

women don't play games enough.

Hope that helps.

Remember. don't do it just because all the cool kids are.

Merry Xmas.

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