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I lost my best friend because of her jealous fiance

Tagged as: Cheating, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 April 2024) 1 Answers - (Newest, 5 April 2024)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I'm a male and my best friend is female. She's a tomboy who likes engineering, ships, planes, building models of those, so most of her friends in the past have been male. I'm happily married for 18 years, I love my wife and would never do anything to jeopardise that, men and women can be friends without anything sexual happening and anyone with any sense whatsoever knows that, except for her fiancé.

He's been dead against our friendship, and any friendship she's had in the past, which is why she had no friends before me, and has been accusing her of cheating on him with me, despite no evidence whatsoever and us both telling him that it's just 100% friendship. About a month ago, I bought her a model of a ship that she could build herself for her birthday and he snapped. He started punching her in the face, shoulders, neck, arms, dragged her outside and continued hitting her until me and members of her family came to her rescue. Police were called once we got my friend to a safe location, but she didn't want to press charges against him saying she was too scared and didn't know what else he'd do if she did. We tried to explain that it would be the best thing to do, as did the police, but she wouldn't. However, as he threatened me and my wife that same night, I was able to pursue charges for that alone.

Well, one week later she moves back in with him! Me and her parents tried to tell her that a boundary has been crossed, he'll do it again because he knows that it's not enough for her to leave him and it'll be a heck of a lot worse, but she wouldn't listen. We tried to keep the friendship going for about a month after, but one day she sent me a text and told me that she couldn't be friends with me anymore and she should just concentrate on being with him. I tried to talk via text to her and explain what a mistake she was making, she read the message but didn't reply and that was it. I haven't tried to contact her and she hasn't tried to contact me. I thought I could move on and forget about it eventually, I took a few days off work for my mental health. Problem is, she works directly opposite me and I see her every time I'm at work and it hurts so much. We haven't tried to talk to each other or anything and he waits outside work for her to make sure she doesn't talk to me when she leaves for the day. I'm heartbroken, she was my best friend and I'm so broken about it. I don't know what to do. Will the pain just stop one day? How can I move on from the situation when I see her nearly everyday? I want to forget about it and move on, but it kills me not having my best friend to talk to. Please help.

View related questions: at work, best friend, fiance, heartbroken, jealous, move on, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2024):

My heart goes out to you because my best friend (same sex) was in an abusive marriage for a long time and couldn't leave. She did eventually but she had to come to that decision herself.

What happens in such cases is the man tries to eliminate everyone who can be of support to the woman, so she has nobody to turn to. What makes it more complicated is that you're a man and it's possible he does think there's more than friendship between you.

You've tried to help but your friend has not replied. Anything you say could be construed as interference, even though it doesn't sound like that from what you say.

All you can do now is let her know that you respect her wishes but you're there for her if she needs you and leave it at that. Meanwhile, you yourself need support so please seek it from family and friends or if necessary through counselling.

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