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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: hello,I have been seeing this guy for a year we or engaged and going to get married in May but we live in two differnt states tell March I am in college and he has a job somewhere else he has 1 child and i have 2 our children love each other and we have a great relationship well last night i went to dinner with a friend and i had a few drink well when i drink i am not a nice person i told him that me and my friend who is a girl kissed to make him jealous guess the distance is start to get to me he got pissed i told him i was very cute and he was lucky to be with me he was so hurt i told him i was lie later that night but he was so hurt the called me a slut this morning he told me he want a week without talk to me cause he is not sure he trust me what should i do?????????i love him and want him back he always tell me he loves me but when we hung up he did not say it??????????i am so sorry
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (8 January 2007):
Life is full of lessons. All lessons are good, but some cost more to learn than others. Here are some of the lessons as I see it:
1. Good communication is one of the fundamental things in having a good relationship. Learn how to communicate properly with your partner, ESPECIALLY if you live far apart.
2. Don't lie. Definitely don't lie to annoy your partner. ABSOLUTELY NEVER lie to your partner in claiming that you cheated on him in any way. This includes kissing. The reason you can never do this, apart from it simply being the wrong thing to do, is because it destroys trust in the relationship, and relationships cannot survive without trust. Even if it was a joke, doesn't matter. The breach of trust is still the same.
3. If drinking makes you a not nice person, either don't drink, or learn how to drink and be a nice person. Ask yourself, why do I choose to drink if it makes me a bad person.
4. You were wrong about him being lucky to have you because you are very cute. He is lucky to have you if you love him, and if you treat him right. Good looks are a bonus, but they won't last forever, and the older you get, the nicer you had better be. You may as well learn to be nice while you are young, and being nice makes you even more attractive. Then he will be really lucky.
Those are the main lessons that I can see for you to take from what you have written. You may realize more lessons from your experience, which would also be good.
Here are the things you can do to fix your mistake:
1. Tell him you are sorry, that you understand that you hurt him and damaged his trust in you, and that to joke like that to hurt him was a mistake. Tell him that you didn't do what you said you did, and tell him you would like the chance to earn his trust and keep it. Tell him that you love him, if it is true.
2. If you are going to marry him, maybe you would want to choose to be a better person to him. Its good to be a good person, that's why we use the word good. Being good is a choice. Choose it, you will feel better about yourself for being a good person.
That is all I can think of, the rest is up to him.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): Oh, and it is not OK for him to call you a slut or a bitch or any other deragotory cuss word, and you need to tell him the next time he does it you are through, seriously, you don't want a lifetime with someone who resorts to this crass behavior....you both need to grow up, otherwise I don't have much hope for this marriage lasting beyond a few months....so see what you can do to make those changes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): Sounds like you got drunk and stupid and your fiance is getting tired of it, as in this is not the first time you played on his emotions like this....if you are sorry then you need to improve your behavior and behave like a grown up woman that he would be proud to marry, give him his week and then call him to apologize and mean it.
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