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I had an abortion, even though I didn't want to!

Tagged as: Family, Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 July 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 14 July 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, *umb314 writes:

im 28 years old, i had my 3rd child august 4th 2009. i recently had an abortion may 26 2010 and ever since that day i have been soo depressed. im always crying and yelling at my boyfriend. i didn't want 2 do it and now i feel like a horrible parent for doing it. i love my kids sooo much, they are my world and my life. I haven't even told my mom and she is my best friend. is it this normal to be this depressed? am i a horrible mother?

View related questions: abortion, best friend, depressed

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A female reader, leogirl18 Canada +, writes (14 July 2010):

I dont think that makes you a horrible parent.

But in response to your question, I would like to ask you a question...

I am about 2 months pregnant and my fiance wants me to get an abortion. But I keep having 2nd thoughts about it almost every minute of the day. My mind decides one minute thats fine and then the next I change my mind. Did you feel this way?

What should I do?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010):

It's very normal to be depressed after an abortion. Your emotions can take over to try to block bad thoughts, that is probably why you are crying and yelling at your boyfriend. May I ask why you did it if you didn't want to? Anyways, you should definitely not feel like a horrible parent. You are not a horrible parent. You have 3 wonderful children that you love. You have to get this through your mind, "I am NOT a horrible mother." It will take time but soon you will realize that everything will be okay, It's over! It was so young and unborn that it didn't even count as one of your children then. Maybe talk to a therapist, talk to your doctor about depression. And maybe you will have another child someday :) I hope this helps! Best of luck :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010):

How does this make you a horrible mother? You removed unconscious tissue. It wasn't a baby, it was a clump of dividing cells. More importantly, why don't you use birth control? If you don't want more kids or your boyfriend doesn't, you should be using birth control. And also, why did you have the abortion if you didn't want to? It's your body to do with as you like. Though to re-iterate a point from earlier, you need to use birth control of some kind every. single. time. you have sex. And yes, if you didn't want the abortion it's normal to feel depressed. You may want to seek counseling as this is an issue far greater than we can handle on here. Just remember, you didn't kill a child or a baby or anything. What you had was less alive than your appendix or tonsils, and you can get those taken out without much thought. I promise you, the fetus cannot live outside the womb. It is not really a living thing. It is barely more a potential child than a discarded sperm. You are still a loving mother, you still love children and care for your own.

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A female reader, QZ United States +, writes (14 July 2010):

QZ agony auntA lot of women feel depressed after having an abortion, so in that sense there's nothing wrong with you, but I am deeply sorry for your loss and pain. You need to forgive yourself (because it seems like you feel what you did was wrong). Having an abortion doesn't change the fact that you dearly love the children you have, and it never will.

You should, perhaps, seek out couple's counseling for you and your boyfriend, and talk to someone to help you.

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