A
female
age
36-40,
*-gurl704
writes:This October I got drunk and had sex with my ex and I ended up going to the hosptial for an absess on thanksgiving, I found out at the hospital that I was pregnant.. to make a long story short when I got out the hospital the day after thanksgiving I called my ex and told him I was pregnant, but I also told him that I was sick so it was a good chance I wouldn't keep the baby because I felt like it was going to get in the way of my healing from the illness, the truth was really I didn't want a kid by him, he already has 3 kids and is not really a good father to them and me and him are not together nor will we ever be... well early December I got the abortion, but my ex hasn't called to find out what the outcome was. I haven't even talked to him since the day after I got out the hospital. I don't know if I should call and tell him. I feel like if he really cared he would call me and see what happend with the pregnancy. I hate that the whole thing happend the way it did.
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abortion, drunk, hasn't called, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (29 December 2008):
 Flynn 24 is very unknowing in this situation. Ignore him.
You did the right thing. Keep it to yourself.
A
female
reader, d-gurl704 +, writes (25 December 2008):
d-gurl704 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I really appreciate all of the diffrent opinions...majority rules I should not tell him in which that is the route I will take...if he wanted to know he would make an attempt to find out. my house nor cell phone number has changed...Thanx again everyone :)
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 December 2008):
He's a jerk and will never understand, just like the jerk that went on and on about how "selfish" women are for having abortions. I totally understand how you feel. I was in a very similar situation. I know you're emotional and you want to tell him how you FEEL. But all in all...he just won't get it. He won't understand your feelings at all. Let it go and move on with your life. Because there's someone out there that you will want to have a child with that will understand how you feel when you both bring a child into the world that you want to have together.
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A
female
reader, bemused  +, writes (25 December 2008):
 Really harsh unnecessary response from another reader here. Mistakes were made here, decisions made and from what I gather the father...in THIS case, not too interested. Some decent points made by that reader...but go easy on this young woman...she is not solely responsible for the injustices suffered by men in cases like this. I agree that men are often left out of the loop and that is wrong for the men who would genuinely care. She tried to get this guy to take notice...he did not. As for the pros and cons of abortion..well people have their opinions. Birth control would have solved a lot of problems here but...it was not used.
Happy Holidays
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): As the father, he has every right to knowwhat became of his child, even if he doesn't want to know.
I feel by not even consulting him on what he might want, because of your own personal opinion of him, you have been quite selfish.
It isn't just about aborting a perfectly healthy child for no apparent reason then selfishness and fear, its about leaving the father (who every bit as much right as you do to affect the future of that child) out of such an important decision.
Too often women make these decisions based entirely on what THAY want because they have this obscene idea that the because the fqather doesn't have to act as an incubator for 9 months, he has no right or say in what happens to a child he is 50 percent responsible for the creation of.
It's the father's child too. Not just yours. How you feel about the father is irrelevant. Its yours AND the fathers.
If the father doesn't want the responsibility, tough. Force it upon him. Take legal measures to ensure he does his damn duty to his kids and helps raise them properly. Even if you two are not together it can work.
I'm sorry if I sound harsh. But I am strongly against abortions for anything other true medical reasons that cause serious illness to the mother or even death of them, or some birth defecct that will severely affect the quality of life of the child (even then it would have to be really, really bad... like blind, deaf, dumb and mute).
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, bemused +, writes (24 December 2008):
Hi hun
You have not done anything wrong by having an abortion. We live in a time when women have free rein on their sexuality and have the right to steer their own course in terms of reproductive options. Do not obsess about what ifs...you had to make a difficult decision and you make it independently. I am in total accord with the other posters in that I would keep this one to yourself. It is human, so human you would want to tell him though. You have been through a lot and how much easier it would have been if there were others there for you. You seem realistic that the relationship is kaput. You have had a lot of disappointments in a short period of time honey. Take this time to heal, cry if you need to and try to move on. I would suspect that you are hurt that you went through this and he did not seem to give a damn. Alcohol and sex..not so good sometimes as all thoughts of birth control tend to fly out the window...I'll bet you have learned this the hard way hun. Take care and happy holidays xxx
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A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (24 December 2008):
You made the right choice. That was very strong of you, and very mature. I agree with what other poster said. There are to many children growing up without fathers...
Honestly, I wouldn't bother telling him. It wasn't his choice. You made the choice. Leave it at that. OBVIOUSLY, he doesn't care. So, don't bother. It may cause problems and drama. Do you really want that?
Take care, sweetie.
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A
female
reader, d-gurl704 +, writes (24 December 2008):
d-gurl704 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all of you all opinions...I really liked response #3, because thats exactly how i feel about the situation,obviously he doesnt care...I know abortions are horrible, but in some situations I think there are exceptions...I wish it was a choice I didnt have to make, but I did what I thought was best...but Thanx again :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): Don't say anything, you told him you were pregnant and he as not called you to find out if you are well, still sick, had a miscarriage or nothing. He obviously does not care, I would keep the secret, and it's your choice to have an abortion, I think you did the right thing to not have another child in this world with a father who does not give a shit. Stay strong and know that you made the best decision at the time for yourself and the baby. That's my opinion anyway, best of luck and enjoy your Xmas.
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A
female
reader, :BiBi:  +, writes (24 December 2008):
 My advice is to call your ex and tell him what you did tell him the truth... I think you did wrong by having an abortion but it was your decision. Call him, he has the right to know about what you did he would understand that you weren't ready and that you didn't want to have his baby.
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