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I googled my girlfriend's name and found a homemade sex video that may be of her. Should I ask her about it, or just drop it?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Pornography, Sex, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 February 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 28 February 2011)
A male United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

So, I regularly play on Google just randomly googling up stuff and I tried googling my girlfriend just to see what came up, all ordinary, Facebook, Myspace, etc. Then I took off the filter and after going through many of the main pages, I found some homemade videos porn site and a video that had her name and city in it. I found that interesting because her name isn’t that common. So I watched it and you can’t really see much but the female talks a few times and it does kind of sound like her and I hear Irish music in the background (her ex only listened to Irish music).

I don’t know when it was posted, which is the only thing really freaking me out. It might not even be her at all or the guy might have posted it after they broke up.

I’m not sure but I’m afraid to ask her about it, how would I go about asking her or should I? She would know the video was made or not because he wasn’t hiding the camera.

Part of me says let it go! Part of me says ask ask ask.

What do you think?

View related questions: broke up, facebook, myspace, porn

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A female reader, Sincerely Yours United States +, writes (28 February 2011):

Sincerely Yours agony auntWhy did you take the filter off?

I think you were looking for something.

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (28 February 2011):

Jmtmj agony auntI wonder if there's anyway you could get the website that has her name and city on it to change the name or perhaps remove it?

Worth a shot... You could email them and say that she's underage?

If you're having a hard time being certain that its her in the video then really its just how easily this video is linked to her on a search engine that is the problem.

Sucky situation... I don't envy you.

This is where being an honest boyfriend and being a protective boyfriend collide.

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A male reader, The Realist Canada +, writes (28 February 2011):

The Realist agony auntOriginally I would say tell her but Jmtmj brings up a valid point in that she may not know that it is on the internet. Saying that it's really hard to give a difinite answer.

On one hand you could tell her about it or show her and say is that you but if it is and she never knew things might not go so well. If she knows she may just laugh and move past it.

If you don't mention it then you will wonder for a while and it will go away.

Ask yourself how well you know her past and if she would ver do anything like that. She may have never done that and it would be funny to bug her about the resemblance.

Sorry, I'm torn on a definite answer.

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (28 February 2011):

Jmtmj agony auntMmmm... tricky.

I think you should do her a favor and not bring it up with her. She may be devastated to learn that she's in a sex video for the whole world to see. It may cause a lot more hurt to her than you wanting an explanation/confirmation that its her.

I'd assume that it is her and try to move on... but that's just what I'd do.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (28 February 2011):

TasteofIndia agony auntYou should definitely tell her because there is a chance she doesn't know the video is up. She ought to know that this video is so easy to find. Or if it's not her, than she can just clear that up. This doesn't say anything bad about her - simply that she had a sex life prior to you and she was a bit adventurous and didn't mind the camera. I hope you are feeling okay about (or, at least adjusting to) what you've found.

I would absolutely say something! Try to not be confrontational or judgmental. Good luck, sweet!

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A male reader, shawncaff United States +, writes (28 February 2011):

shawncaff agony auntOf course you should bring it up. Why would you not?

If it is of her, it tells something about her character and her past. It doesn't mean she is a bad person or you should dump her, but it is important information which you should know about it.

I really do not understand the hesitation.

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