A
female
age
,
*oofie
writes:I met this guy online last year. Not only is he 10 years younger but lives 2 hours by plane. Over the past year we have seen each other 3X and continued to chat, etc. We are planning to see each other the August Long Weekend. I am flying out to see him. Originally, he was going to come out to see me but than he said he couldn't because of work. I understood and then said I could come out to see you. He said okay. So, I booked my flight. Since, then he seems to have pulled away. I am the one to initiate the conversation text, phone calls. Last week I spoke to him on Thursday and then he said he would call me over the weekend...never heard from him. Today, I texted him about something and he asked when I was returning from home from my trip. He was checking as he had to be fly out on business the followng week and wanted to confirm the date.Although, I have a tendency to overthink I am getting the feeling that he may not want me to come up. I almost asked him out right but that would be a bit *crazy* (I think). I would hope that if a guy really didn't want to see you that they would just tell you. But, perhaps he doesn't want to hurt me and it's easier to go with the flow than rock the boat. Make sense...or am I over thinking?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): Personally I don't believe in long distance relationships, I put them in the same category as affairs with married men/women as there are a lot of common denominators.
1)You are unable to spend quality time together, ie come home from work kick your feet off and cuddle up.
2)You have to have A LOT of trust to know that they are infact telling you the truth about not sleeping with anyone else.
3)Everything is by txt/call so you will never really know the real person on a day to day basis.
4)It is a long and painfull process if and before you eventually get it together for real ie get a place together, settle down.
5)Can you handle making love 3/4 times a year?
Were do you see yourselves going? Were do you see this relationship flowing in the next 6/12 months? Have any of you talked about moving closer to the other person?
I'm sorry to put a downer on this but treat this trip as a small vacation then try to think about startin a new life when you get back.
It sounds to me like he already has somebody else lined up but even if he hasn't I really do think you should try to broaden your horizons realistically.
You deserve to come home and kick your shoes off with your spouse as much as the next person. Why settle for a man who can't and possibly isn't willing to try and give you that?
A
male
reader, doublejack  +, writes (19 July 2011):
I have to agree with chickpea. I think this guy just isn't that into you, and he may even have met someone - or have his eye on someone - who lives in his area. LDR situations are very difficult because of the lack of in-person contact, so he should be very excited about your visit. That he's not says a lot.
I also suggest you go ahead and fly to see him since you have the flight booked already. You'll be able to read him better when you see him, but I'd begin mentally preparing myself to move on. It sounds like he's withdrawing from you.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (19 July 2011):
 Hi,
I am going to be brutally honest with you. I don't think he's so much into to you.
I know you've been in contact with him for a year now. During this year, met 3x, which is ok, because both of you have to work, have commitments and obligations. So, the lack of spending time its not what concerns me, but the fact that he's not so excited to see you. If he was truly happy, the only thing he would ask is when are you coming and when are you leaving? The only thing he would say is I can't wait to see you or I am so happy you are coming.
I know its hard to let go, specially when you invested so much time and effort. I know its hard to make changes in life. You get comfortable and attached to the routine, and nobody likes changes.
Always trust in your gut feeling. Its a natural gift that us, women have. I didn't before, but learned through personal experience that I was right all along.
Always do what's right for you and what makes you happy. I am a very honest person, but just because we're built this ways, doesn't mean everybody thinks the same way or will handle things the way we would.
Well, since you already made plans and reservation, why don't you just go, meet him and decide what to do after the trip? Think of as a mini vacation for yourself...
Don't analyze or think too much. Don't stress yourself and try to get answers on your own. Its just waste of energy. Decide after the trip...
Enjoy and good luck!
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (19 July 2011):
 You need to talk to him and ask him straight up. I am in a long distance relationship also, and whenever there is a problem, I always make sure to bring it up and talk it through. Communcation is crucial.
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