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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: My husband keep getting emails,from his past,, including pictures etc. Sometimes he hides them from me, and not even showing it to share it. I mean past ,like 25 years ago...I got really frustrated,because he delighted the email he got last time, and he said ,he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong ,because he is not answering them,it is only important to me.. I really dont know ,if he is right??? First of all, he got rid off the email, so i cant see it , i just found it accidentally. Second ,i told him to change his email addresses,and not publish it anymore on the web with his name. But he said ,I'm just paranoid , and i should deal with this , because it is my problem not his..I'm really angry and frustrated. What do you think? Am I wrong to be concerned? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): Thanks for answers so far.
He is being tricky about this situation and he suggesting,that I'm just paranoid ,and that is why he does not show me the emails ,because I can't handle it. He thinks its no big deal.. And I'm the one who needs help. But it is really lying to get an email and delete it... And also not to do anything about it to get more.. So it has been going on like that for a while and I'm demanding to change his email address.. But he says it s too much hassle . So im truly getting very sad and angry about this..He just keep saying ,the only problem would be if it would be him who is writing. He says ,he cant control others. He is very stubborn about this. I liked all of your advice very much. Thanks for help. If anything comes to your mind let me know. I like the writing a fake email, but im not super at computer cheating ,like him, so its a bit risky.. Maybe if im careful..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): Make up an email address as Juicy Lucy or similar and say Hi. You will soon find out if hes being true to you or not. I think you have a right to know. If hes putting himself out there and refuses to stop, something is engaging his attention!
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A
male
reader, Braha  +, writes (3 June 2010):
You are right to be concerned about this.He is also right that this is your problem. If he is still playing with people from his past, that is not so bad. BUT, if he is playing AND hiding that from you, it should concern you. By constantly asserting your anxiety over the hidden and deleted emails, you are strengthening his rule over you. He sees how much it bothers you and yet he continues. That is a bit disrespectful and rude.If he refuses to even discuss his online activity also, then it is time for you to try one more time to talk about it together privately. If that also is not successful, it might be time for you to discuss seeing a therapist together.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 June 2010):
I don't think you are paranoid. I think he's hiding something. Men aren't good at hiding things, and your husbands actions are screaming of guilt. I think you need to be concerned, but you need to do more digging before you can confront him. Know all the facts first. He'll only lie to you about it, so you need to do it in another way. But he really seems to be up to something.
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