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male
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anonymous
writes: How does depression affect a relationship? In what way does the depressed person behave? Im in a realtionship with someone who suffers from depression. Shes had a very tragic and sad life and as result is depressed. Anybody who has had the life she has had would be. She takes anti-depressants, but drugs are like pain killers........they dont actually tackle the root cause of the problem. I think she needs to go talk to a therapist and get all her pent up anger,hurt,sadness out of her. Because as things stand she pushes me away through behaviours shes developed as a result of the things that have happened to her: One day she is lovely and sweet and nice and great to be around, the next, quiet, withdrawn, short tempered, uncommunicative.Its hard to deal with coz im not used to anything like this. But i just wanna ask is this the norm for depressed people? I love her so much and i just want her to be happy, she deserves to be happy. But i dont think its possible so long as she doesnt get therapy. Im gonna ask her to get help, but if she refuses what lies in store for our relationship?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): i am going through the same thing.
i was raped a few years ago and after that my relationship with my now ex boyfriend was never the same. we used to be happy all the time and after the situation i became depressed and moody all the time. it was hard on both of us. sadly to say, i did lose my boyfriend. as much as i love him... i didn't want him to put up with my problems so i let him go.
even before i was raped ... i had a tough life also. i am the type of person that likes to keep to myself due to past experiences in my life. through out 20 years of my life up until now i have hidden a lot of secrets that i have had to endure mainly on my own from my family and friends.
many people deal with depression differently.
i find writting in my daily journal helps. keeping busy, being surrounded by friends and family and doing what i love most (sewing & sketching) helps also.
i never took anti depressants or any types of drugs. i am too afriad to take them as they may make me even more depressed.
i onced seeked a therapist. it didn't turn out too well. i never went back to seek help again because i didn't think they understood because they are not in my shoes.
understand that she will be moody. her emotions are going to vary from seconds to minutes ... her emotions are going to be like a rollercoaster. all you could do is be there for her when she needs you. depressed people tend to say hurtful things without thinking. if you love her enough ... be patient with her. when she is feeling down ..lend her a shoulder to cry on, but back off when she pushes you away... give her plenty of space, but let her know that you love her and will always be there for her when she needs you.
when she doesn't feel like talking. don't push it.
whatever happened in her life tell her that it isn't her fault. let her cry. let her yell.
let her know that it hurts to see her sad, angry and depressed.
ask her what you can do to make her happy.
keep reminding yourself that how she is feeling ... isn't your fault and has nothing to do with you. so please don't blame yourself.
my heart really does go out to the both of you. i wish the both of you lots of luck.
*hugs*
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Ive been through a stage of depression and was on anti depressents and at the time i wasnt really thinking straight my emotions was up and down.One week i was needing my own space and couldnt face being with my partner as i was moody and the following week i was happy and lovin again.Its very hard for both parties in the relationship.I felt guilty for the way i was acting but it really wasnt me and it wasnt in my nature.My partner was very understanding towards this and gave me as much support i needed and respected my wishes throught it.They understood why i was depressed and didnt told it against me.The only thing is to respect them while they go through this as depression is hard to control and combat.She may take offence to you suggesting therepy.If you know her parents or family members well enough raise your concerns to them. Good luck you sound like a good person and i hope you both get through it.
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A
male
reader, Abacadaba  +, writes (23 February 2007):
 depression can be a big test of a relationship, one of my friends is depressed and believe me her and her boyfriend are on and off, one min she will say shes had it up to here with him, next shes loved up, all i can suggest mate is understand how she is feeling, when shes in the bad moods, dont try and be like 'oh whats up...no tell me...tell me let me help' because ive tryed it before and it really doesnt work, it just annoys her even more, when shes like that give her a bit of space, maybe say 'if you wanna talk about anything, im here' but dont beg to help, as long as she knows your there for her thats the main thing, another tip i found, was when shes in a good mood, run with it, make her feel special, so she enjoys it, it wont get her over the depression but it will help.so basicly, make sure she always knows your there for her, give her space when she needs it, as for the therapist, i wouldnt know about weather or not she should. Maybe consider talking to her family, if you are that close to them that you can discuss it. Best of luck
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