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How do I stop having a crush on my husband's cousin - I'm not sure how I'll act once I've had a drink around him!

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 January 2007) 12 Answers - (Newest, 2 December 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I'm just really looking for some advice. I'n not sure whether I am in love with my husbands cousin or whether it's just a schoolgirl like crush on him.

I have only been married to my husband for almost a year and have a young daughter, but I never had these feelings for his cousin until a about 3 months ago. I don't know whether a change in my hormone levels could make me feel this way about him either.

I just cannot stop thinking of the cousin though and I have no way of avoiding him coming over to see us, as he only lives down the road from us and is very good friends with my husband.

I know I won't act on these feelings, but, we are all due to go out on Saturday night and I'm not sure how I'll cope when I've had a drink. I have to go as it's his birthday and my husband will get upset if I don't go. The cousin is very flirty with all the women he know's, and is always coming up with sexual innuendo's in front of my hubby, but I just try to laugh them off, and pretend I don't feel anything for him.

Please if anyone any suggestions on how I can stop feeling like this would be great, or at least how I can avoid feeling so awful about it. I love my husband very much and would never do anything with his cousin even if his cousin did feel the same way to, but it's quite painful feeling like this now.

Thanks

View related questions: cousin, crush, flirt

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A female reader, giggle` United Kingdom +, writes (2 December 2009):

Im sort of in the same boat. Imet my husband 7yrs ago, we are married for 18mths and have 3 gorgeous kids. But we split up just after the birth of our first child. My husbands cousin was my rock, his missis was pregnant and on holiday and we ended up sleepin together. He asked to be with me but i was in a selfish place and didnt realise i had feelings for him. I got back with my husband and kept it a secret and went on to have two more kids. He had a baby with missis got married and divorced. He is now with another woman. We go through stages of textin and flirtin then stop contact. But recently i realised i love this man, what do i do?

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A female reader, giggle` United Kingdom +, writes (2 December 2009):

Im sort of in the same boat. Imet my husband 7yrs ago, we are married for 18mths and have 3 gorgeous kids. But we split up just after the birth of our first child. My husbands cousin was my rock, his missis was pregnant and on holiday and we ended up sleepin together. He asked to be with me but i was in a selfish place and didnt realise i had feelings for him. I got back with my husband and kept it a secret and went on to have two more kids.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007):

Hi I am having the same problem. Except for I actually use to date my husband's cousin before me and my husband got together. Me and his cousin both still have feelings for each other and don't know how to control them. I am married for several years now and he has a child. So it seems that we will never be together again but there is just that feeling still there and don't want to let it go. I know it makes it harder being that it is someone that you have to see all the time and makes it even worse when he is related. I just try and avoid those tempting moments. Always make sure that someone else is around whenever you two are together. I am not saying that anything will happen but the temptations get worse when you are alone TRUST ME. I have already made that mistake. But in the mean time me and the cousin have become best friends and i have become pretty close with his girlfriend as well. Just always make your visits in a group, NOT ALONE. I hope that helps. But i realy don't have much of an answer being that i have the exact same problem.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007):

When I was 13, I developed a huge crush on my 24-year old cousin named Monica (Not her real name). At the time, I thought she was the most beautiful woman on the planet and then some. She had brown hair,sexy brown eyes, a great curvy body, a nice set of legs but she didn't have big breasts but that was okay. One of my memories of Monica would be her sunbathing by her family's pool in a strapless black bathing suit and she looked DROP DEAD GORGEOUS!!!! One afternoon I asked her if she would take a dip into the pool since it was a hot, sunny day. Monica normally didn't go into the pool but she AGREED. The next thing I asked her if I could playfully DUNK/SUBMERGE her underwater and she agreed. I dunked her 3 times but she told me "NO MORE" due to the fact that she didn't wanna get water in her sensitive ears. If she had on earplugs, I've would of dunked her all day! There was a popular song at the time called "More Love" by Kim Carnes and whenever I heard that song on the radio, I always had pleasant thoughts of Monica in a sundress, wearing sexy tank top and shorts & of course wearing that hot strapless bathing suit. I told no one of this crush (HOW COULD I?) but whenever I watched her sunning herself, it was like watching Clapton play guitar or Ted Williams hit a baseball. PRICELESS!!!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007):

First of all, who says you have to have a drink! There should be no secrets between you and your husband, you don't have to tell your husband about your crush, but do tell him (in private) that his cousin's sexual jokes makes you feel out of place. As for the visits, when the cousin comes over, leave the two gents alone, have some of your own girl time with a friend, in other words keep your eyes and mind busy on other things at hand, other thoughts! Leave the room, go do something else. Don't let this breed into something that will be destructive later to your marriage! It's not worth the loss.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007):

Damn, sry to hear. That sucks cause it hurts when you like someone very much and you can't express yourself to him/her. It makes you feel empty. Yeah i hear ya. I'm going through a similar thing except I have a mini crush on my lil cousin. What I do is try to flirt with other women, and just try and not to think about her because that would be a waste of time because it's not gonna happen and I'm just giving in to my temptations :D. Hehe, maybe you can try to distract yourself and get busy with other things you like so you don't waste your time. What do you love doing? do more of it! Like the other person said, take it out on your husband or daughter. Give yourself a break, you deserve it. Because you are worth it!

Good luck and all the best. :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2007):

Eddie I came here for some support, not to be judged and treated like some bimbo that would jump into to bed with anyone!

I am not the sort of person who would go and jump on anyone and I know how to BEHAVE.

I would never drop my pants and jump on him or anyone else for that matter, and in fact I never have done anything of the sort in my past either!! I actually have far more respect for myself and others to behave like that even if I was single!

I was actually just asking for advice on how to cope with the feelings I had, I'm not planning on anybody finding out about them.

But you've done is make the assumption that I'm some bimbo slapper that doesn't care about anyone else. I do not appreciate being judged like this.

All it's done is make me feel worse about the way I am feeling.

Thank you everybody else for your pearls of wisdom, I'm om a budget Saturday night, so I won't be drinking that much and can't stand the hangovers the following morning. I think angeloflove is right that I do enjoy the attention from him, and all I have to do is think of his dad to put me off! lol!

Thanks all

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A female reader, AngelofLove United Kingdom +, writes (17 January 2007):

AngelofLove agony auntYou need to be strong and resist temptation.

With children involved is more complicated and this is more than likely lust than love.

Perhaps you enjoy the attention he gives you, just tell yourself he is your husband's cousin and you have a daughter to think about.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (17 January 2007):

eddie agony auntJust act like the mother/adult you are and BEHAVE yourself. Is that not possible? What's the alternative? Drop your pants and jump him? I mean, we're supposed to be able to control our lustful desires. They will pass. Just imagine him with garlic breath and a pimple on his nose.

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A female reader, melschatbox United States +, writes (17 January 2007):

melschatbox agony auntThese feelings will pass, trust me. It's strange how we become attracted or think we do to other members of the family. It's happened to me..I think it's because we try hard to be liked and be accepting of the family members. I really don't know why that happens..but it does go away. No harm done. And, yes don't act on it. It's not real...hun. Good Luck.

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A male reader, Dagwood South Africa +, writes (17 January 2007):

Dagwood agony auntAs CD206 says it sounds like just a crush! If you want to stop these feelings then the best solution is to be more affectionate with your husband! Kiss him in front of his cousin, hold his hand, hug him and tell him how much you love him. Keep doing this every day. Your husband should respond with the same affection and you'll quickly forget his cousin.

Try it!

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A female reader, cd206 United Kingdom +, writes (17 January 2007):

cd206 agony auntI'm sure it's painful but it does sound like just a crush. You're married now and you have a daughter and you have to put her first. She deserves to grow up in a two parent family with people who love her. You need to see this crush for what it is, just a crush, and if you don't trust yourself when you've been drinking then don't drink when you go out for the birthday meal or on any other social occassion when you might see him. From what you say he sounds like he's charming and he flatters you in ways that your husband may no longer do, just because time is passing and you've become comfortable in your relationship. The cousin represents passion to you but you have to realise that what you have with your husband is so much more.

CD

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