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How can I be more gentle with my boyfriend in bed?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 November 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2014)
A female Czech Republic age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am mostly a calm, gentle person, except in bed. I always assumed that being wild, perhaps even a bit rough and aggressive is what guys like and my previous partners have been very happy with that.

Today I'm in a relationship with a guy for 6 months and we're still exploring this area. He has told me before that I'm sometimes too much to handle and I tried to be more calm, but still passionate. Yesterday he told me he'd like if I were even more gentle. He's a very romantic, feeling type and really values the emotional connection above all else in bed.

I'm not oposed to exploring other ways of doing things. I like sex, that's it, I'm not that much concerned about the exact form it takes. Obviously I am interested in making things enjoyable for both of us, just as he is.

Do you have any tips to change my mindset to become more gentle and loving, just as I am outside the bedroom?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2014):

Your way of speaking sounds exactly like my boyfriend... So I presume you think rationally. If u find it hard to connect emotionally with sex, then let him take the reins completely and just go with it. Then slowly take it from there. He will in time teach you connection, and you will teach him the raw disconnect of experimental sex whichgives excitement and passion. All which will equal explosively connected amazing sex! You're still learning each other and that's not bad :-)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2014):

Compatible-couples attune themselves to the person they're with. You're already taking on the mindset to tone it down. That's where it all starts, in your mind and heart. I think it was really sweet the way you described him, and you're a considerate partner; because his needs and feelings are important to you.

Since this is a new relationship, and you are both in the learning process; I think you can both learn from each other. Don't stop being aggressive, just adjust it to his level of comfort; but help him to rise to the occasion. He deserves a few surprises. You shouldn't have to change for anyone, just compromise and make reasonable adjustments.

Compromise in bed keeps things hot. Your aggressive sexuality will keep things heated; while he teaches you more about tenderness. When he tells you what he likes, listen. You have equal right to suggest the things that turn you on in order to keep the pleasure mutual.

Personally, I think a balanced combination of rough-passion and tenderness is perfect. You're both still getting used to each other. I think it'll workout. Your post is proof of it. You used to have good rough-sex; but your heart wasn't really in it. Now it is. So surrender to him, so he feels he's the man. He sure knows you're the woman!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2014):

Sex is so Subjective that He's the best person to tell you how gentle he'd like you to be. Ask him how he'd like you to touch him and what he likes most from what you've done so far so you can focus on that. Are there specific acts he finds too agressive? Ask him these type of questions in a very open and relaxed way without being judgemental and defensive and I'm sure you can try to meet half way :-)

Good luck and happy lovin!

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