A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together 11 months, and things are going well! He is from Italy, and I am from England. We are both in our twenties. He lives here, and has done for 6 years, but I have already been home with him and met his family. I really liked them.The problem is, his dad is getting married next week, a very big event, and my boyfriend is taking me and his close english friends. He just told me that his dad told him the table seating plan, and "the family"- Dad, new wife, her son, my man and his two brothers, and their two girlfriends (both italian, his little brother's teenage gf has only been around a couple of months btw)... and I will be sitting across the room on the "english table". He asked me what I thought about this, but I get the impression the decision's made.His dad has already made problems of this before, saying "well, so and so event is a family trip... no girlfriends invited, but even if they were, dont you think it would be awkward and uncomfortable for all of us if she came, having to worry about speaking italian all night infront of the english girl?!?!?"I'm so upset by this because these things are of great formality arent they? To sit with your partner and his family at a wedding is to be accepted, and included. Shown off to the world. To be the only one of the girlfriends sat across the room, thats the opposite statement! This is the man I want to be with, and the fact I'm english is never going to change. I have started to learn his language, but it wont happen over night, and truth is, I may never be conversationally fluent. How am I ever going to be accepted?! What should I do, both to make myself feel better/see it differently, and actively what should i do in this situation?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): I would think it's only a language thing really; in all honesty you will probably have more fun on a table with people you can talk to. Plus, it's a real hassle having to translate things for people all the time; your bf would have to constantly be translating back and forth if you sat up there with him and that's quite stressful. You won't really be able to communicate with the people on your bf's table anyway so why not have fun with those you can talk to? I think you are taking this a bit too personally, but I can understand how you feel. When my ex was best man I couldn't sit on the top table because there wasn't space. Actually it was much more relaxing in the end. You should be able to pick up Italian fairly quickly if you work hard. And it is surely the most beautiful language in the world with an amazing cultural history, so there is lots of incentive to learn. I don't see why you shouldn't become conversationally fluent, not if you are keen and your bf can help. You can watch RAI TV online, and also listen to Italian radio if you want to get a head start.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 No,you are wrong. Unless it is a really posh family,- Italian weddings aren't at all "of great formality "- especially if it is a second wedding ! We don't even know what is a matron of honor, we do not have bridesmaids dressed in pastel hues, we don't do rehearsal dinners, and the seating plans are according expediency ,not rank.
As for sitting at the "family " table as formal acknowledgement that you officially belong to the family...
relax, we are not so tribal after all,lol.
I honestly and truly think that the reason you have been ASKED- and not forced to - to sit at the English table is precisely because a) they think you'd feel less excluded and have more fun if you don't deal with the language barrier b ) they hope you'll give a hand in entertaining the English guests c) they don't want to bother translating any single word or joke for you ( which may not be very sensitive but it is understandable ,I guess ).
Sure, his dad would have been nicer in taking into account your sensitivity and not only his convenience, but hey, it's his wedding after all, and he is the one who is forking out the money, so ...just play along and do not read any particular sinister meaning into the seating plan.
If sitting by yourself with the English crowd really bothers you, - explain it to your boyfriend and see what he can do, but , again, chances are that the bride and groom just never thought this may be a bid deal for you.
And...get yourself to an Italian class right away ! Or buy an audiocassette course . You won't learn Italian in time for the wedding, but might as well getting started if you are gonna be with an Italian guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): I dont think this has got anything to do with dislike or you being english. he could think that he`s making things easier all round,when in fact its the opposite. As you are trying to learn italian,maybe it could be mentioned that by being there will help you. At this stage it would be better to see what else happens in the future before presuming.
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