| A
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My husband separated 6 months, in the beginning he avoided like the plague, we had been in war for the last 4 years due to his infidelity, then he was caught again on the computer sending some cutsey things to some woman...he swears up and down the woman is a friend...till this day...I kicked him out...I couldn't take it anymore, he said he couldn't take it too that I never forgave him...well, now he wants to be "friends" after a 22 year old marriage and this woman "friend" hanging around....he has done a 360 this man was a humble down to earth man...now hes partying women friends texting with smiley faces....hes 46 years old!! His kids are embarrassed to say the least.....but, I don't understand, he avoided me would never talk to me only text, now he wants to meet me for coffee, says we can be friends...he tells me he doesn't want any girlfriends or wife....hes completely lost his mind....and I am devastated not knowing where to turn... :'''(
View related questions:
infidelity, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAngelDlite....
Thank you, for your kind words it all makes sense...I am dewelling on the past and who he was a great husband, I dont know what happened somehow we lost each other. I thought everything was perfect, but then I was always to busy to notice trying to keep everything afloat with our live....he always had the leisure life in the marriage...
but everything you said is true I will not be able to be friends with him, its too hurtful maybe in the very far far future....it hurts to much
thanks again..xo
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 he probably wants to be friends because he still cares for you as a person, you have shared the past 24 years, maybe he still wants your company some of the time, he may feel a bit lonely to have left a marriage after all this time. only he can tell you the reason behind wanting to still see you so you need to ask him. how old are your kids? does he need to keep you on a friendly basis to maintain his contact with them or are they old enough that you are not needed as a go-between?
its all very well to remain friends with someone after you split, if both partners are happy to do that, but i can understand why you wouldn't want to...after all HE is the one that has ended the marriage (infidelity and flirting) and he is the one who is getting on with his life (partying and women friends) while you are his friend, you will have to witness what he does, it'll get to the point where he may even start telling you about dates etc and you are not gonna want to hear it.
i suggest you get on with your life too (and i don't mean dating etc) just generally, get interests, get more friends if you need to fill the gap in your life that the ending of marriage has left you with.
you are not with him anymore divorced/separated is just the same thing (apart from legally) - he is a free agent to do whatever he wants to do. so you cannot really prohibit him from being friends with that woman or anyone else. he seems to be over the marriage (or at least he is working on getting over it) but you are not over it, so continuing a friendship will hurt you more than him. if you want to get over him: cut contact. you may want to be friends with him in the future, when you have accepted the separation and you feel strong enough to not get jealous about who is sees / what he does.
do not get too hung up on the fact that you were with him for a long time and you THOUGHT that you would never split up. instead of sitting around missing him. do this: make a list of all his good and bad points, you may then understand that the marriage was not as great as you thought it was and that may make it easier for you to accept the end.
xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhen I ask if hes been intimate he just gets all defensive, the woman isnt attractive so I tell him that, well he gets all defensive...this was not the man i married...I am lost devastated....like I want to pull my hair out and wake up or something....the woman I talked to her she laughs at me like I am a joke...I cant beleive her..who does that to another woman..hes still my husband even if we are separated...he is not the same..he was so caring and loving man..I loved him so much I still do..we were the couple who would least be the ones who separated..now here we are..I dont know why he wants to be friends...after being with someone for 24 yrs..
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (14 January 2011):
hi
sounds like mid-life crisis and trying to recapture his youth after marrying so young. do you want to be with him? you need to have an honest talk to him and let him know your feelings. he may want to just do his own thing for a while and then come back to the marriage but don't let him mess you about, YOUR feelings matter too. female friends are usually bad news; where did she appear from? texting cutesy things? i think you're right to be suspicious
xx
...............................
|
