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He's in to me and doesn't want any one else - but he said the thought of us being bf/gf scares him!

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 November 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2008)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I guess you can say I've been seeing a guy for a few weeks now. I go to his house couple times a week. We always enjoy each others company. We kiss, hold hands (even in public..so its not an indoor thing), hug, cuddle, we are intimate. He has already told me that he is interested in me and he not looking for anyone else, that he is only focused on me. BUT we are not bf/gf. He said the thought of being bf/ gf scares him. I know hes been cheated on in prev. relationships so maybe that has something to do with it? I kind of doubt its commitment issues, hes already told me that he's not looking around anymore, that I'm his only focus...so whats the hold up I wonder?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

The kind of mind games guys play with us girls.sigh.

When a guy says he is not interested in a bf/gf relationship,he most probably means it.

The choice depends on you.Are you looking for a serious relationship?If you are,please dump the guy.Find someone who is willing to get committed.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

It sounds to me like he is having commitment issues. If you are being intimate, it sounds to me like he just wants to have the "friends with benefits" deal. If you want the commitment and security of a relationship, you need to let him know that and if he is not willing to commit, then it is time for you to move on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

Maybe he's just looking for reassurance that you won't hurt him. He may be telling you he's scared cause he really likes you and wants you to know your special and his feelings scare him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008):

How recently was his last relationship? Could it be that he is not ready for another relationship yet? Be careful not to end up the rebound girlfriend. He may really like you, but he might end up really hurting you. It is not a good sign that he is uncomfortable with being your bf, even though he has said he does not want to look elsewhere.

I would say not wanting to be your bf is a commitment issue. Perhaps he needs more time to feel ready for the relationship. If you don't think it's that he isn't over being hurt, then maybe this isn't a problem at all, and just needs more time. Although some people can become an item within a few weeks, for others they like to get to know them a little longer before committing to becoming a proper boyfriend and girlfriend.

If I were you, I would give it a couple more weeks and see how things are then - better, the same, or worse. If they are the same, or worse, then perhaps there is a bigger problem going on with him. If it is better, you know that he is just the kind of person that wants to take things more slowly, which isn't a bad thing.

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