A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've recently become involved with someone who lives in my block of apartments. I've known him for 4 years but he was married. They separated 3 months ago and are going through a divorce. We have become very friendly, always texting, popping over to each others apartments etc. eventually we had sex and I was hoping this would mean we would have a relationship. However, we have never been out on a date and we just lead our own lives then hook up now and again. We text everyday but even that is getting less and less. I know I must stop sleeping with him because I feel bad about myself but I keep in contact with him cos I hope that when he is ready we will start a proper relationship. He buys me little gifts and has done some DIY around the apartment. We chat a lot and laugh but I feel like his little secret. Should I hang in there?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your wise words. You were also caring too which I appreciate. I guess I knew the answer but needed someone to tell me. I now have to wean myself off him which is hard when we live so close to each other but you are right wise owl I have to protect my feelings. Thank you
A
female
reader, Red591  +, writes (26 May 2013):
 GET OUT NOW!!! you can stay his friend but tell him that you only want sex with someone who is dating you and treating you like a girlfriend and if he can't do that now or ever then he needs to be moved to the friend zone
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2013): Yes, you are his little secret. He is not ready for anything serious and sex doesn't mean a guy wants to have a relationship with you. It means he is happy with the convenience of having sex available. You know the old saying: "why buy the cow. if the milk is free!"You may be lonely and a little needy. You are mature enough to know that a man doesn't mind being seen in public with a woman he adores. If he has any real interest in her, he wants all to know. She will be the first to know. He may be afraid of public opinion, seeing someone so soon after his separation. He may fear her retaliation out of jealousy, "the fury of a woman scorned." He may not be over his ex-wife. He may still hold some hope of reconciliation; so he will keep all his romantic pursuits under wraps and very discreet.I might suggest that you not allow yourself to get too emotionally involved. You are dealing with a recent divorcee on the rebound, and he is mostly filling an empty spot. In your case, his bed. You already notice he never takes you out. Red-flag!!!That speaks volumes in itself. He doesn't want to be seen publicly with you. End the sex until he shows you more respect. Don't accept anymore trinkets. They're insulting.Until he is comfortable with asking you out and shows more interest than having sex with you, I recommend you don't allow yourself to become too infatuated. He's likely to dump you when he's done using you. Please protect and guard your feelings. Enjoy conversation and getting to know how he is handling his separation from his marriage. Ask him why he hasn't taken you out to dinner or for entertainment. Thank him for the gifts; but suggest that he need not bother. You would prefer his open honesty above anything else.If you are happy with the arrangements as they are. You may continue; but don't raise your hopes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2013): Usually it doesn't go back wards. Usually people date, understand each other intentions and then have sex. You both omitted the dating part and went straight to sex. I doubt that he will ever consider dating you. He has sex with you, why not, but he is coming out of marriage and probably you are his relaxing time. but nothing more.
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