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Even after five years I don't have the nerve to discuss the future with him

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Question - (29 November 2014) 1 Answers - (Newest, 30 November 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I know this is going to sound terrible, and it is, but I'm still nervous about bringing up the future with my boyfriend after 5 years together. I used to try to bring it up, but he always said 'maybe one day' and other such non-committal things and would basically stop the discussion. I started to feel I was bugging him and thought maybe if I held back he'd come to me but that hasn't happened. He did ask me to move in about a year ago but when I asked if he'd decided if he ever wanted marriage and kids he acted like I was pressuring him for more commitment after his offer and I ended up turning him down. I always have been terribly unassertive and every time I decide to bring it up, I chicken out on the day because I don't want to cause tension and ruin the night. Any tips for overcoming this? I know this is largely my fault and I should have dealt with it ages ago, but I just can't seem to make the leap and start the conversation. It's like a mental block. I know I need to find out once and for all if I'm wasting my time. Maybe I'm scared of what he'll say.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2014):

This happened to me but after 7 years, then I started pushing for answers and by year 8, I had gotten the answer that to me walking out the door and leaving our life behind. And I never looked back because the resentment had built up over the last three years.

You need to be firm, logical and unemotional about the whole tthing and sit him down and just have that talk. Explain to him your not pressuring him but it's your life too and after five years, you Should be able to have an idea of the future.


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