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Eighteen months until my girlfriend gets back. She says not to wait...

Tagged as: Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 October 2005) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 October 2005)
A male , anonymous writes:

My girlfriend's just left to travel round the world for 18 months on her own, as part of a overlanding tour group. It's been a dream of hers for ages and she'd sort of planned to go before we got together properly. I know she loves me but she said it's not practical to try and stay together while she's away. She says if we're meant to be together we will be in the end but it's hard being the one left behind.

I wanna wait for her but she says she can't ask me to do that coz it's not fair on me. Everyone says that if she loved me she wouldn't have gone but she says that's not true; it's just something she needs to do. She's only been gone 40 days. She's rang twice but she's stopped telling me she loves me in emails. She's telling me to focus on something I want to do and take my mind off it but I can't get her out of my head, every minute of every day.

God I miss her. I don't know if I can do this for a year.

Should I try to forget her totally or wait for her anyway...?

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A female reader, bee +, writes (30 October 2005):

poor you, that's so hard.

I was in your exact situation when my boyfriend decided to fulfill his dream and travel for over a year while I had college to attend. he said her had to do it on his own. he also wouldn't let me arange to meet him at xmas cos it would ruin the trip if he was simply looking forward to that.

Well I threw myself into college and work and going out (easier said than done I know) it's so painful but you have to try and accept the reality of the situation.

Anyway eventually he started calling cos he missed me and i had backed off completely. `then he called and asked if i would come for xmas to meet him.

I said no because it was lame and last minute after all I'd been through and my love for him had withered after all the messing about.

I met someone else and (unlike me cos I'm usually just stuck on one person) fell in love wiht this new man over a long time.

Finally when he came back from travelling he called and wanted to see me straight away. I said it wasn't a good idea. he couldn't accept it and called again then was very very upset when I said no.

he said he knew he had taken a risk in leaving me but it was something he had to do.

I firmly believe that if i had been meant to be with that man I would have felt able to rekindly the relationship when he returned. The moral of the story is:

Accept that your girlfriend is gone for now but know for sure that if your love is strong and true you will definitely have the opportunity to get back together. try not to hold out for her, move on and meet new people as much as you can and see what happens. I feel sure it will be OK for you in the end, because people have a way of coming back together if the feelings are strong enough to hold together a relationship.

good luck. Stay busy and know you're not alone. lots of people go through this pain (most people at some stage) and the misssing her will ease in time. Especially if you cool off on the contact.


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A female reader, not again +, writes (30 October 2005):

Hi there, you are going to get very hurt if you wait for her. She has been very generous in telling you exactly how she feels!! I'm sure she loves you- I bet she loves you heaps! But there are some things people HAVE to do. An OE is a big and important part of someones personal growth, and she has to be free to do that without any expectaions on her. I guess its kind of like- if you love somebofy let them go... Now I know that this is not easy for you! You obviously really care about her! But you will get more hurt if you wait for her because she has told you not to- and so you are committing to "nothing". She will have changed a lot by the time she comes back- in small ways and big ways- its ineviatble and really healthy!! And that may mean she's moved on from your relationship or it may mean that she is happy to be with you again- but you cant hang on for a year and a half in false hopes! Let her go... please. And use this time for your own personal growth- see it as an opportunity. Learn new things!! Try to distance yourself from her and keep busy to keep your mind of her. I wish you all the best.

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