A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm in a Long distance relationship. We have been going out for 5 months, we were together for the first 2 months and Long distance for the past 3 months. The first month if LDR was great, we would text and call each other all the time, he would make the effort to text me sweet messages and would care about how I felt. Then he started changing, replying to my messages after long periods of time and sometimes ignoring them until I text again. He stopped calling. So I asked him straight up " are u still interested in me because uve been so distant?"... He said " it's ok for men to be distant it's in there nature, I still love u " .. So I left it at that, he carried on with his ignoring. He would cut our convos short by saying " night" or " text u later" when I knew he was awake doing other things like playing comp games. So last weekend he didn't message me at all n I though it was odd, so I went on fb and looked at gis profile. He had added all these girls and one of the girls kept writing on his wall, I got so upset that I deleted him of fb. I confronted him about n he said " I was out with mates, these girls just added me from that night.. There's no other girls, I only want u.. This is y I never add a gf to fb cause they just make assumptions" .. So I dropped it hoping things would be ok.... 2 nights ago I got tired of him neglecting me and said " look u clearly don't love me anymore, u hurt me by neglecting me and I think ur flirting with other girls" .. He got so angry and said " ur chatting from ur ***, I'm sick of u being so needy.. I love u, I'm here waiting for u to relocate back to me..".. I said " no I've had enough, I think ur still in love with ur ex too n I don't wanna be second place in ur heart" .. He said " no, I love my ex but then I found u n fell in love with u but I guess I have to get over u since ur leaving me".. He also said that my romantic texts and sweet songs i send him bore him, that really hurt me.. he said that has pushed him away cause he hates romantic messages but before he used to love em and used to send them all the time :-s so confused. These back n forth texts of explaining that I was going to leave happened the whole day and night.. He never once called me to make me stay and he even said " bye baby" when I said " goodbye tc with life" ... Needless to say I text him saying " I love you , I don't want to give up on us but one condition, u gotta be like how u were, keeping me a part if ur life and showing me u love me" .. He said " yeah baby course" ... So were back together, but he still acting a but neglectful .. I text him saying " what u upto" .. He messages back two hours later saying " sorry was busy with family, feel tired so night night" .. I replied " don't you even have 5 mins for me right now.. It's ok, night night" .. He never replied. I feel like I'm back to the start of the problem. Why do u think he's acting like this? What should I do? Should I ignore his texts for a while? If there is another girl, why won't he let me go when I try to leave? I would appreciate any advice. Thank you so much
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fell in love, flirt, I love you, long distance, my ex, period, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): You know what im in the exact same situation (honestly its crazy how similar) and trust me when i say its better to cut and run now. ive been trying to save what i have with my partner for too long and all it does is eat at your soul and life.
He obviously doesnt give a damn so find someone who will.
People like him are all about having they're cake and eating eat.
It will be painful but after a while you will feel happier, like a weight has been lifted, then hopefully you can find someone worth while.
good luck!
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (25 November 2012):
 I just got out of an ldr where all of the above just happened... You're coming across as needy and clingy because he doesn't know the difference between that and you trying to make it work... Break up and move on. LDR's leave a crater in your life for a while, and I promise it's going to hurt, but you've got to do what I'm doing and find an inner strength from places you never thought you had it...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): I think he is acting like this because he has clearly lost interest in the relationship for whatever reasons. His feelings have fizzled out. But rather than telling you straight, he is behaving badly and waiting for you to let him go instead. Possibly in the hope that if you do the dumping, you will move on faster and without the complications and drama that could arise if he dumped you. It's a cowardly move but one that gets used quite often by those that can't confront a partner and be honest. Look how hurt you were when he said romantic texts bore him. Imagine if he did try and leave the relationship. Maybe in his eyes, letting you do the dumping will mean you get over it faster and he is off the hook without too much drama.
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A
male
reader, The old Man? +, writes (25 November 2012):
 You are putting yourself through brutal agony when the answers are right in front of you.When you told him "goodbye tc with life", he replied with " bye baby".You ask " why won't he let me go when I try to leave?" He did let you go! You're the one who isn't letting go. You said yourself that after you told him it was over, that he made no attempt at getting you back, and that you text him later on telling him that you love him, and all he had to say was " yeah baby, course". If I were to guess why he's acting this way, I'd say that he's where he is, you're where you are. He's having fun and the idea that sounded good in the beginning (LDR), is no longer fun.You told him that you don't want to give up. I don't recall you saying that he didn't want to give up?? Then you placed the "condition" on him that he has to treat you like he loves you. You cannot put conditions on people, especially in the realm of love. Love is something that comes natural! You either feel it, or you don't. You cannot force it! Mandating that he treats you a certain way is asking for an artificial action. Wouldn't you rather his actions be natural, from HIS heart, not something you DEMAND that he do?Long distance relationships are extremely hard, even for the strongest of relationships. The two months together you have with this person??My advice to you is to walk away. You're young and have a whole life ahead of you. However,keep in mind. Life is short! There's no sense in wasting your time, driving yourself crazy while trying to change how someone may or may not feel about you.You deserve someone who treats you as though you're the reason they breathe!Time to move on!Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2012): "Does my bf want me or am I just there to fill his emotional need when he wants me?"Believe me, the needs he wants you to fill are NOT emotional. The absolute last thing on Earth he wants or needs from you is emotion."Why do u think he's acting like this?"Because he's a lying, cheating scumbag and you're a needy, clingy chick playing right into his hands. Everything you say is a perfect set-up line for a guy like him and he simply can't resist the ample opportunities you keep handing him to shamelessly take advantage of you. "What should I do?"Don't believe what he SAYS, believe what he DOES (or DOESN'T do)."Should I ignore his texts for a while?"You should ignore his texts permanently, and you shouldn't text him to tell him you're ignoring his texts."If there is another girl, why won't he let me go when I try to leave?"Why should he? LDRs are manna from heaven for scumbags like him. Absolutely no effort required on his part to have sex with any number of women behind your back as he can make up any lame, laughable, self-serving BS cover story and you'd have absolutely no way of catching him in a lie even if you questioned his flimsy excuses, which he knows you never would becausee you believe everything he tells you, which not-so-coincidentally is everything you want to hear. "I would appreciate any advice. Thank you so much"You do not need his consent to "let you go." Your "relationship" is based on nothing more than fawning and flattery, fake sweet-talk and false promises, insincerity and gushing. What you need to do is get your head out of the sand and the stars out of your eyes; smarten up and wise up; stop allowing your ego and vanity to override your brains and backbone; dump his lying, cheating ass; and walk away with self-respect, pride, and dignity.
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