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Does anyone else take a quick look at their life and wonder how come time hasn't eroded all the better parts of their relationship and if it were not for the fact that they have been enduringly faithful then maybe things would have fallen apart?

Tagged as: Faded love, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 August 2018) 2 Answers - (Newest, 26 October 2018)
A female Ireland age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Lately I have had some doubts about how much my long term partner feels for me.

He is an attractive man and many females are drawn towards him which gives him a cavalier attitude at times.

This makes me feel extremely replaceable and coupled with the fact that he sometimes seems to look down on me I am wondering if I am nothing more than expedient.

The relationship has lasted through thick and thin with many ups and downs and twists and turns.

But knowing that he has the equivalent of an admiring female fan club I am uncertain of how long we can last.

In all honesty I dont know of many relationships that do last and it sometimes seems that it is familiarity that breeds contempt.

And yet we continue in the hope that all will be well against the odds.

Does anyone else take a quick look at their life and wonder how come time hasnt eroded all the better parts of their relationship and if it were not for the fact that they have been enduringly faithful then maybe things would have fallen apart?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2018):

You are a reflective person.

Only you can truly know if your partner cares for you or not. I believe this will be a deep down "gut"feeling.

However, just because he has a fan club of women who follow him around does not mean he doesn't care for you. Sure, he may love the attention, but he chose YOU- and I am assuming you have every reason to believe he has been faithful in spite of women being drawn to him. In your title you say "if it were not for the fact of being enduringly faithful"- well I guess that speaks to truly how much fidelity and longevity means. You say you made it through many ups and downs and twists and turns on the road. Do you really think this counts for nothing in his mind?

If he has any sense, he will realize that while fawning women seem nice, and different and maybe exciting, they would have just as many bad sides, disagreements, nags, farts etc. because the reality is that sometimes we are hardest on the people closest to us. We certainly are the most real with our partners, and they are the people we rely on for support which means they hear our gripes and vents.

Sometimes men are a bit naive and can assume that a lovely work companion would be just as lovely and easygoing at home, but deep down you have to count on them to understand that that is a fantasy.

Finally, it never hurts to try and be a little sweeter at home with your partner. As years go by, of course people take each other a bit foregranted. See if your sweetness is returned. If you make more effort, does he?

Maybe you have to redefine love at this stage, and see what is going right (both of your fidelity, your committment) as something extremely positive instead of something that happens in spite of a lack of love. I think it is showing exactly what love is when it reaches beyond the ages of infatuation and honeymoon love.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2018):

This is a pretty deep question. I think the answer lies in one of two things. He either does not treat you right or make you feel loved. Deep down you know if he loves you or not. I suspect something is lacking with him. Or 2. You are feeling down about yourself or going through a bad time. Is it this man, OP or have you felt this way before about other BF's?

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