A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi me explaining my situation might take a while but i need help.so please dont get bored.im 21yr old muslim and i am also at university.my family are very respected in the community but iv brought shame to them by getting pregnant without being married.my boyfriend got carriex away one day and i cudnt stop him because hes very abusive.anyway im now 8 weekspregnant iv spoke to him and he wanted me to leave my family because if they found out they would get violent so iv left them but now that i have left them he left me because he doesnt want to lose his parents.i cant go back to my parents because they have disowned me and my ex boyfriend is no where to be found.i am now alone homeless and have been living in a hotel for the pazt few days but im running out of money iv only got 200 left what do i do please someone help me please i dont no what to do i dont beleeve in adoption or abortion i want tokeep my child please help.....
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female
reader, Starlights +, writes (21 June 2009):
 Hi, being muslim also i understand the pressure you must be feeling.
Your parents arent going to be supportive right away and if your boyfriends run off and left you to it, thats given you the answer you needed, he is a loser.
Firstly your lucky to live in a country whereby religion doesnt stop you getting the rights you need, so be thankful to god for that.
Try getting in contact with a women's hostel and the council.
These are a few questions u need to think about:
-r u strong enough to raise this baby alone without financial & emotional support?
-what will u tell the baby when he/she is older about whats happened?
if u dont believe in adoption/abortion dont do it! if u want this baby and believe you can be a good mum to it then have it and in the meanwhile seek help from the right sources.
Dont worry about your family or bf, keep them on the back burner til u sort your life out for the sake of the baby. Remain positive.
The baby's worth it if you want to keep it.
thats whats important now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): I personally think that if you want to keep the baby (as you've stated) and have the courage and determination to go it alone as a single parent then have the baby.
No woman ever truly gets over an abortion its something that stays with you for life, and you may wonder if like the writer before stated it could have been an obama or maybe a hitler! who knows, only you, really can answer your own question.
But please dont get an abortion unless you feel its in the best interests of the baby, i am sure it would understand the predicament you are in.
Regardless try and contact a women's hostel, look online, and have 1 postive good friend around you. If your prepared to do the hard work, im sure you will have a child who later, will love you as much as you love him/her.
Dont be hard on yourself and try and remain strong, postive, focused whatever happens.
I hope i helped. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): I am in your sitaution and I am a muslim girl as well! I was in college i am in my last year of school and I just found out i am pregnant! i dont want to tell my family but i will! I am about to marry my fiance which they also dont know about because he is african american!! He Means the world to me . he trys everything for me to be happy and not stress because you could have a miscarriage!! Life is a blessing !! i dont believe in killing a child! You never know what if you were aborted or Obama was aborted !! Its written as a muslim i believe it is Written before you were born! Be strong!! I am I havent told my family yet! but when i do my fiance family are there for me!! he agree for me to allow the child to be raised Muslim!! He even said he would convert for me!! i know he loves me dearly! and just know GOD would not put you through this is he knew You couldent handle this!!! inshallah it will get better! and family do come around it may be hard now but 5 years from now. Its Haram to Disown your child unless he has commited murgder. I know ALLAH will forgive us for this. For he is the FORGIVER!! we all make mistakes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): i just want to tell you something.........abortion is not a sin. yes you may have honorable intentions but do you know what life you will subject this baby to. please think properly about your future. can you give yourself and this baby what it deserves. your bf deserted you. maybe this is a blessing in disguise. you say he got carried away and you couldn't stop him because he is abusive. did he force you to have sex with him? did he "rape" you. these are things you need to consider. maybe with him deserting you , you can be finally rid of this controlling abusive man in your life. you are not ready for a baby. and it is not a shame to have an abortion. you need to make good choices right now since it will have consequences later in life. please know that sometimes we do not get a second chance in life. maybe you are lucky. you have a good head on your shoulders and please think about your life. yes, you are emotional right now but please look at your life realistically. say you decide to have this baby. alone. and years later meet the true man of your dreams. would he take this child as his own. or would you now feel this child is a "burden" to you and your happiness. my friend is also muslim. her hb messed her around. 1 child. her child is now 15 yrs old and all the proposals come and go - why? the men want her but not her child. this is so sad and my friend has perhaps accepted that she will be lonely and "unloved" for the rest of her life. why , she has her daughter to consider. so please think carefully. it is sad that you ran away from home. so yes i know all about the disgrace element you talk about. but sometimes we must not worry about what the community and family have to say but just love our kids unconditionally. i hope one day SOON you can go back home and have your familys love back. (and please, if you have sex again, please use protection. i am not lecturing but this needs to be said. and also please do not go back to your bf. in fact run as far away from him as you can. he is bad, bad news.)good luck and take care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): Hi, I'm sorry to hear that your going through this and it's sad that there seems to be no-one around who can help you.I am shocked that your family is having to let their grandchild suffer for something that you did not even mean to do, and even if you did, this baby is still their blood, don't muslim's believe in forgiveness? As far as I'm concerned you and your child are better off without any of them unless they are going to be a positive in the child's life. It sounds like you're going to need to do whatever it takes if you want to be able to look after your baby, my heart goes out to you. Just think, if you can aim to provide your child with the basics, along with encouragement and a resolute commitment to him or her no matter what, your child will exel at anything, and have what alot of children don't have, LOVE. He or she will be a sronger person and be able to get through anything that comes his or her way through watching you...I hope things get better for you and your precious baby soon :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Sorry to hear what has happened to you. Sounds as if you are going to have to drop out of school for the time being and get a job, especially if you insist on keeping this baby. It does not sound as though your parents are inclined to support you financially. Better start looking for work, I think.
I know you are opposed to adoption or abortion, but remember that once you bring this child into the world you have a social and legal obligation to provide him or her with a certain basic standard of living. If you can't afford to do so and your family and ex won't help you, you NEED to consider the welfare of your baby, even if that means giving the child up to someone who CAN provide for it properly. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Find a womans shelter. They will help you get back on your feet. I'm sure you must have them there.
Here in the states, Womens Shelters are not like homeless shelters. They are clean, staffed with counselors and aids to help you rebuild your life, and receive the medical attention necessary for you and your baby.
My heart goes out to you, I know you are scared. But you can do it! You can do this on your own. And on your way I garauntee you will meet women in the same situation, who will support you emotionally! Good Luck!
Britt
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A
female
reader, im.here.to.help.xxx +, writes (31 May 2009):
You should really try to go back to your family because they could really help you and this is where you need them the most. Dont give up your child if you do not believe in it, go to speak with the council and see if you can get a small council flat. But the main thing is to try to get back in touch with your family and explain your situation, Hope i helped. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): It's a shame that you have to to through this alone at six an emotional time. But u honestly believe the best way to sort this problem out woud be to make it your boyfriends problem as well! If you can track him down and find out where he lives tell his family. Hopefully after the initial shock and drama they will make thief son see sense and take care of you!
I come from Muslim background myself and so I know just how volatile this situation must be for you now. And although you've made a mistake with this idiot it's time to make amends and be strong.
I know my next point will be controversial but i also think that once you do manage to track this man down you need to get married if only to cover the shame! Speak to him an let him know that you can both be free after the baby is born! It's not an ideal situation but at least your family will be more accepting and you can start over with them again!
The most important thing is that the baby grows up in a secure muslim family unit! Forget him him afterwards!
Also if he's still hesitant to do the right thing, there is sharia court in leytonstone! Tell them about your case and hopefully they can sort something out and speak to his family.
You're a young bright girl with the rest of your life ahead of you! You don't have to let this ruin everything!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): I'm muslim myself, so I know how hard this might be for you. I have a couple questions for you though..did your parents disown you because they found out or because you ran away?
If they havn't found out yet, i honestly think the only way is to get an abortion, and make up a story on why you ran away.
If not, do you have any close family members who live around you that might understand your situation and take you in?
How about your mother? Is she very religous, or would she help you get through this? I ask that because if I was in your situation, my mom would help me get an abortion, and a surgery to "regain my virginity", and not tell my father because she knows he would kill me!
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