A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey im 20 years old and im desperate to start a familly i am in a serious relationship and living with my partner we get on amazingly and have been together for 2 yearsthe only problem is i told him how i felt and all he said is hes not ready for babys hes proposed to me and weve been engaged about 6 months but when i look at wedding brocures he says im rushing thingsi dont want to push him if he is not ready but does it sound like there is a problem to any one else? please reply as soon as possible i dont know what to do xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionright thank you so much every one for your replys youv all been a real help
the reason he doesnt want to rush the marrage hes admitted he loves me an wants it to be perfect and he has been saving some money and he was worried he didnt have enough because like a tipical girl iv told him my 9 year old wedding fantys that i worked up as a yound girl and dont really want any more ... and the reason he doesnt want a baby yet is because he thinks im perfect and he wants to do it the right way around marage then kids ...
it was all my insecurity so thanks every one it turns out he was only trying to make me happy :d
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): What's your life gonna be, 70 years? 80 years? 85-90 years if medical care keeps improving?
It won't hurt to wait another couple years to have kids when the guy is actually ready.
Imagine a time when you didn't want to have kids. Maybe you already kinda did when you were 17 or 18, but surely you didn't yet at 13 or 15, right? Well, how would you feel if you had a BF that was pressuring you to get married & have kids right then and there? Not fun. You wouldn't wanna lose him but you would have felt very stressed by being pushed into something you weren't ready for. Ultimately it would have made you resent him.
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A
male
reader, Markingbad +, writes (25 October 2009):
 That wasnt wise. I cant speak for him. Only think back to how i would have felt. I was in a similar situation but not engaged. She wanted to get married in a few years. Eventually she left me and it hurt at the time. But it was for the best.
I hope your fiancee doesnt feel like i did at his age. He's made a promise to marry you. Take it one step at a time.
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A
female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (25 October 2009):
 At 20 i also thought im ready to have a family, but i was wrong, now im in 30's i just realise god" why i did rush thing?.. please dont panic and dont worry. everything will be fine. He is not yet ready for a baby and that is ok. I would say do it step by step. First go to marriage and after that take your time. its ok not to have a baby right now. give him time dont let him feel that you are holding his neck already that makes man run... dont push, the baby will come right on time.. just for a tip honey.. child is not the super glue of the relationship, Trust me..... Goodluck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): "im 20 years old and im desperate to start a familly"
You don't start a family to validate your own feelings of insecurity. That is what you are effectively doing by wanting to have a family so young. In all probability, you and him won't be together if you settle down so early. So, if things are really meant to be, take things slowly. Why not start with getting a cat?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 October 2009):
He has told you he isn't ready for children yet. I know you're feeling broody, but you're still quite young, and my advice to you would be make sure your in a relationship that is secure adn committed, and make sure you have the money and home to support the baby. First of all, a baby in Britain will cost an average of £150,000 plus over your lifetime. So you need to be able to afford to keep it. Also, you'll need a hous or flat, you'll need to reaseach schools, you'll need to check that what you believe is the same as your fiance. There are lots of things you need to think about. Give yourself time to plan for children, and make sure that you're in the best possible position to support them.
Next, you need to be sure your boyfriend is really committed. He's proposed to you, so there really should be a date for a marriage, especially after 6 months. Make sure he's as committed as he says. You do need to at least sit down and make a date for it. If he says you're rushing it after this amount of time, then consider whether he meant it. Focus on your relationship and your own life first, then plan children.
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