| A
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi. Here is my thing. It transpires that I love my bf more than he loves me. We have discussed this and we mainly have just acknowledged that I do seem to love him in a more intense way then he loves me. Don’t get me wrong; he does love me. He goes out of his way for me, he is tactile and passionate, we hang out a lot and have some similar interests, the sex is great and we are trying for a baby and buying a house.I would just like to hear people’s thoughts on this. The way I see it is that you cannot help who you fall in love with and it is a worldwide accepted truth that one person often loves more than the other. I have thought about it a lot – I have thought, I could leave him due to this and I could meet someone who loves me more but I would probably not love him as much as I love my bf. We are also both almost 40 and I don’t care what anyone says in contrary to this, but the road gets tight as you get older, particularly as a woman and I am very fussy .He has reassured me and has said that he would not be buying a house with me if he did not love me. I have sat on my own before, contemplating it all, and I asked myself if it is all okay and it feels like it is, and I do feel he loves me a lot. I also feel the media has a lot to answer for; particularly as women we expect so much from our relationships and if they are not 100% perfect we think there is something wrong. I would like to hear people’s thoughts on this, particularly if you have been in the same position as me or if you are the one who is loved more, and that your relationship worked out? For the record, I do fall in love often and I fall hard and fast and I love very intensely so in a way, it is always going to be hard for me to find someone who loves me as much as I love them. Thanks for reading.
View related questions:
trying for a baby Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your replies; the general consensus seems to be that I have nothing to worry about so that is good. I think I may mention to him that I don't want to have these conversations anymore about who loves who the most. Good idea!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): As ce-ce said love cannot be measured but if the guy wouldnt consider my happiness and feelings before his own then certainly he loves me less and that would cause problems
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Getting into a discussion about who loves who more is counterproductive. No good can come of it.
Besides, the ways in which people express love are different. Some of the classically feminine ways of expressing love are easier to see, and we may count them more in our heads - even guys do this, discounting our own emotions and actions as just the sort of things guys are supposed to do in relationships.
I'd say don't worry about it. It sounds like you both consider each other to be "dating up," which is the sweet spot for a long and happy relationship. Best of luck to both of you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2011): I think truly loving someone and falling in love are two totally different things. I've a sneaky suspicion that long after you have fallen out of love with your partner, he will still love you just as he does today if not more so.
Generally, loving someone is far more abiding than 'falling' in love because when you fall, you invariably hit the bottom sooner or later. I fell in love with my partner and I've since sobered up! He grew to love me and his love by contrast, seems constant and unwavering. I think this guy is the real deal, so don't worry.
...............................
A
female
reader, Star xxx  +, writes (20 July 2011):
 Hi
He has told you he loves you, you are trying for a baby and buying a house.
So what was to happen if he looked up and said at some point he loved you more? Would you then expect him to leave you?
I can not see how anyone can honestly say they love someone more, how can you ok you know how you feel but how can you really compare?
I think you should be happy that you have someone that loves you and wants to commit and enjoy your life, please dont waste your time discussing who loves who more because in the grand scheme of things is it really that important?
Take care xx
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (20 July 2011):
 I think men and women love DIFFERENTLY.
Since LOVE can not be really measured, how can you say who loves WHO more?
The love becomes a contest of who can "one up" the other or keeps score of who was more intense in the love department today, etc...
Just enjoy it for the gift that it is and stop measuring!
...............................
A
female
reader, Ce-Ce +, writes (20 July 2011):
 I don't think you fall IN love fast. I think that you get emotionally attached to men very quickly because of the time and intimacy the two of you may share. You sound alot like I used to be. Bouncing from one relationship to the next and convincing myself that I loved every single one of those guys. Well, I had to take a step back and look at myself. I was wanting so much to be loved and be TRULY in love that I settled a lot. Now, I am in a situation where you are, I feel that my feelings are stronger than his feelings are for me. I asked him one question and it changed my whole entire attitude about who loved who more. I asked him if he would risk his life to save mine. He answered yes and from that point on, I knew our love was equal because I felt the same way. Sometimes, as women, we analize stuff way too much and make a big something out of a little nothing. I wish you and your bf the best.
...............................
|
