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Bad dating luck really getting me down

Tagged as: Dating, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 September 2022) 0 Answers - (Newest, )
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I (30F) matched with a guy (31M) on Hinge, who lives about 1.5 hours away from me. Originally I thought it might be too far away to try and establish a relationship, but after thinking about it a bit more, I decided that there’s no harm in trying. I have two close friends who have been in long term long-distance relationships (one is still thriving, the other ended) so I know it can be successful, albeit in certain circumstances.

Anyways, we hit it off and moved off the app onto WhatsApp. We had tonnes of video calls in the coming weeks; the first lasted 3 hours long and others that followed were about an hour long or even more.

I genuinely felt like I’d known him for a long time. We got on like a house on fire. He was extremely complimentary of me - he said things like he was super attracted to me, called me perfect (which I laughed at), that he couldn’t stop looking through my instagram at my pictures, that I was too beautiful to be interested in him and bla bla bla, so on. Without me even prompting, he also said he wasn’t on dating apps anymore and had paused his hinge account, as we were now speaking and he wanted to focus on me. Sounds all good, but I have been burned in the past by men, so I am always quite guarded when a new guy comes my way. So, I tried to take everything he said with a pinch of salt. But nevertheless, it was nice to hear someone say all these nice things to me after such a long time of no dating and down right bad luck with my choices in men.

After getting to know each other more and adding each other’s socials, we decided we’d like to meet each other in person. We planned a great weekend where I live (so he would travel to me) with loads of activities and we were both really looking forward to it. He kept saying how excited he was and that he’s ‘manifested this weekend for ages’.

A few days before we were due to meet, I noticed that he started following a new girl on instagram who, coincidently, was based in the same city as me (according to her profile) and one of my close friends followed her. So I asked my friend and she knew the girl through a mutual connection. She said she’d investigate and found out that he had actually matched this girl on Tinder that week and then proceeded to add her on instagram. He then tried to message her on instagram (I don’t know what was said). Once the girl was made aware that we were messaging intensely, she said she would ignore the message (although they’re still following each other). Whether this is true or not, I don’t know, for all I know this other girl could have still replied and they started speaking, but I know it’s fair game in dating until you’re in an exclusive relationship.

Nevertheless, I was a bit gutted. I know he wasn’t at all in the wrong in doing this: he’s completely well within his rights to carry on dating multiple people, and I tried to keep swiping on the apps too, but what annoyed me was the fact he blatantly volunteered the information around not being on apps anymore, which was clearly a lie. So why did he even bother saying it in the first place? Was it to mess with my head, all part of his game?

Anyway, I tried to dismiss it and look forward to the weekend ahead. However, he was called into work this weekend at short notice due to the Queen’s passing (he works in the military) so our date got cancelled. I don’t think he lied about this as I saw evidence of the requirement to work. So It was a completely understandable and unavoidable situation. I said we can rearrange and just keep up the FaceTime dates for a little longer. No issues.

I’ve hardly heard from him over the weekend which is understandable as he was busy and when I did hear from him he said he was stressed. But he found the time to post on instagram, go out for drinks with the boys , and also look at my insta stories…despite this, he left the last message I sent to him unread for 48 hours, despite being online at times. I tried not to over analyse, but easier said than done.

The hardest bit for me happened last night, before I went to bed. I noticed two blue ticks next to my message on our chat; he had just read it ten minutes prior. I thought ‘okay, he will respond soon’ and carried on about my business getting ready for bed. I then went on Instagram, which is where I saw he had just put another story up. I clicked on it…and he was out at a restaurant with another girl. I must have been one of the first people to see it, and within a few seconds of me looking at it, It changed to ‘photo unavailable’… because he blocked me. I was so stunned by this u-turn in behaviour, and I’m ashamed to say I did get a bit upset. This has never happened to me before, the bluntness of it all and I’ve never been blocked, just ghosted.

Why do men do this?! To completely love bomb someone, get their hopes up and then suddenly cut off that communication is just strange and cruel. Surely he could just say if he had a change of heart?

I blocked and removed any connections on digital platforms I had with him.

After so many years of unsuccessful dating, tonnes of heartbreak, being ghosted and seeing all of my former flames move on to find somebody else and get into happy relationships with them, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t upset. My confidence is at an all time low and I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’ve tried to be the whole package: good job, I have my own house, I go to the gym, I take care of myself physically, I dress well, I’m outgoing and love meeting new people and I have a great social life with lots of friends… but while my mates are all in LTRs, having babies and getting married, I’m sat here alone feeling like the guy in Good Luck Chuck. My “relationships” (if you can even call them that) last 3/4 months tops. I can’t help but feel there’s something wrong with me and I just want to give up entirely, I’m scared that I’m stuck in this cycle forever.

View related questions: confidence, military, move on

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