A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband came home from his parents house last night stinking drunk, talking on his cell phone incessantly with all of "his boys" saying he wanted to go out with them to the bar, then I hear him (in our bed) talking with the neighbor saying "I love you and can't wait to see you, baby". I completely blew my top, called her to tell her off, kicked him out of the house, and still am so mad I can't see straight. Now, I know there is nothing going on between them (she is unattractive). But when I called to tell her how unacceptable I felt this was (I believe I called her a B*****), she said well he will be my friend longer than you will be his wife, and she wants me to apologise for calling her a name. I am livid. My husband is deeply in the doghouse. Tell me, am I so out of line?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): Ok, that does change my advice a bit. If you didn't like these people to begin with and you feel that they have been disrespectful to your marraige ongoingly, then the discussion you have with her should be different.
By the way you've described her, i'd say that by calling her out and yelling at her, you've done nothing but amuse her; give her a little extra drama to smile about before she falls asleep at night.
Call her and tell her, that you were out of line last night. That you were worked up over nothing because you KNOW that NOTHING will ever come between you and your husband and the only reason he was talking to her that way was because he was drunk and hardly even knew who he was speaking with. That he woke up this morning and didn't even remember. Don't give her anything to play off of don't give her anymore of a show. Just let her know it had no affect on your marraige and that nothing ever will because you trust him and you love him and he loves you.
Either she will take a lesson in love from it, or she will feel defeated and lost interest in the hornets of your marraige.
~Sy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): The poster here. As further background (I am cooling off now--but only a bit), the neighbors are good friends of my husband and have been for years, both the husband and wife. My husband and I have only been married less than 2 years, and it has been a bit rough, but these neighbors are no help at all, they are miserable in their marriage and I think they enjoy stirring up a hornets nest in other marriages. I have already told my husband that I consider them drunken trash, but he enjoys their antics and finds them entertaining. I know that there is no attraction from my husband to this woman, and I think he was talking off the top of his head because he was drunk. But I am so totally pissed I am besides myself, and wish these people would just fall off the face of the earth.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2009): If I were the husband, I would be ashamed, if I were the neighbor, I would've have apologized for the ways things seemed and assured you there was nothing going on. If I were you, I would have called the neighbor in my rage, but been calm with her to get the facts instead of name calling and assuming she was in the wrong. Looks like you all made a mistake to me! But we're human and don't go about things perfectly. I think you should call the nieghbor and apologize for the name you called her, while also making it clear that your apology doesn't mean you think that what happened was acceptable. Hopefuly she will then apologize as well. Then call your husband who is probably sober now, and calmly but sternly talk to him about the way he made you feel and ask why he would feel the need to say those words to someone but yourself. I think some good heart to hearts are in order here if you can all tone down the anger. Goodluck!~Sy.
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